For The Love of Jasper
by TwilighterObsessed
Summary: "I had pride too. Sure I let Edward control me, I liked when he was that way. What I didn't like was the fact that he seemed to be ashamed of me." JXE
1. Chapter 1

"_Jasper." His tongue thrust inside of my mouth as he pulled down my boxers. I bit his lip and sucked it into my mouth. "Man this is so wrong." Edward said breathlessly yanking away. I began to kiss up his neck, and gave him a hickey in a very noticeable area. I listened to him growl , and he pinned me to the make shift bed on the floor._

"_What?" My voice trembled as I spoke._

"_What the fuck? Are you trying to let every one know what we are doing in this tree house? No one can know that I'm bi. I have a girlfriend, what is she going to say about that?…No one can know that you are gay. It's just the way it is."_

"_I will stop, I promise. Just please continue.. Please." I didn't mean to whimper but my rock hard cock was unmercifully throbbing against his body. My hips jutted into him, giving me at least some friction. He hissed low and took off his shirt. My hands ran across his chiseled lean body. He was mine for the first time tonight._

"_Are you ready? You've been with other guys right?" I helped him release himself from his boxers._

"_Yes, one. Timothy Ross from-"_

_Jealousy crashed over him and he grabbed my jaw a little forcibly. "I didn't ask you who, I just asked you if you had. I don't want to hear about you whoring about with Tim. Not when you are about to get my virginity."_

_I loved when he was like this. I stroked him. We had gotten close to having sex many times but Edward was always a scaredy cat. He wasn't lying about being a virgin. He was unsure about his sexuality a long time and he didn't even make it with Bella. It was like he was waiting to be with me._

"_I'm ready." I reiterated. He grabbed my hand and pulled it away from his massive member. I wasn't going to admit that I was slightly worried about this. Timothy was in no way even close to his size. I wasn't even sure if I could take him._

_Edward held my legs open and up as I lay on my back. I felt him probing my entrance. Maybe we should try for some lube. Where was it? I reached around behind me and I grabbed it, wincing when his head slipped in._

"_Lube.." I pleaded, handing it to him. He chuckled. I blushed and he smirked. Arrogant bastard. I watched him stroke himself a few moments and then he took his fingers and made sure it wouldn't hurt me as much as before. My legs shook when two of his fingers opened me up. It felt so very good. Oh my god._

_I almost complained when they were gone, but it was a quick feeling that passed when he slipped inside of me. I almost screamed. It hurt like a son of a bitch. Edward clamped his hand on my mouth and gave me a serious look. My eyes told him to give me a break. He slowed and let me stretch a bit. I nodded. _

_He began thrusting inside of me and it was a wonderful feeling. Not just for me, I could tell he was enjoying it. A sheen of sweat beaded on his forehead as he watched me. I whispered his name against his hand. If he only knew what this was doing to me. I pinched his nipple._

_The pace quickened to the point of near brutality. I couldn't stay quiet. I was thankful that his hand was forcing me to be sort of silent. I couldn't help myself when I came abruptly. My body shook with the force of the wave of extreme pleasure of my orgasm. My eyes hooded, watched him when I internally spasmed on him. _

"_Jasper, fucking hell." I felt him shoot inside of me. Finally._

_His body crumpled on top of me and I held him to me. Then I realized, I loved Edward. I really did, but all he did was lust for me. Isn't that what he'd said in the past? He never once hinted or acted as if he felt more than that. I was his dirty little secret._

My dick was throbbing and I shifted. I was glad that I chose to wear jeans for dress down day. I hated those damn uniforms because they showed too much. I blushed when Edward looked at me in Algebra with a silly smirk on his face. It had been weeks since that happened and every day since he had taken me over and over again. We played out all of his fantasies.

I smiled at him but then frowned when Bella kissed him briefly. She had been all over him since last week. With a stunning realization I knew that look. It was how I probably stared at Edward when we were alone, when I didn't have to keep up my façade. He was definitely giving her the same thing he was giving me. He had made a woman out of her.

The bell rang and I angrily got my book bag and stormed out into the hallway towards my locker.

"Jasper, wait!" Edward ran to catch up with me. He grabbed me to slow me but I yanked his hand off of me and I made it to my locker all the way down the hall. I stuffed my books inside. It was lunch time anyways. I think I'll just go home the rest of the day. I felt him near me.

"Just go away, Edward. Go fuck your girlfriend." I spat out for only us to hear.

His face looked sullen. "I wanted to tell you…"

"But you didn't. How long have you been sticking it to her? I was your warm up so you can please her."

"A few days.. I wanted to know if it was different. If I would feel the same way, and no you were not."

"Did it? Do you?"

"No. You feel better, Jasper, but I'm confused. I have feelings for both of you. I think I..love..her." Tears welled up in my eyes when he turned me around to face him. Shock caused him to step back. "You're crying? What the fuck. It's not like you love me. We are just fucking each other's brains out."

"I do fucking love you. That's the problem. Just stay away from me since I am just a wayward fuck to you. Go beat yourself inside of Bella's ass. Then you won't have to see a difference."

Edward stared at me with a wow on his face. Obviously my balls have finally dropped this week.

* * *

I opened my phone and watched Edward's face pop up as it rang. Shaking my head I pushed ignore. Enough was enough. I closed my Literature book and sprawled myself over the bed. I didn't want to start crying but it felt so natural to do. This was the first day after school that he wasn't here. And it's not because I didn't want him to be.

I had pride too. Sure I let him control me, I liked when he was that way. What I didn't like was the fact that he seemed to be ashamed of me. I was handsome enough. I had a good body and a brilliant smile. I made sure to go to the dentist every six months to keep it that way. I was beyond intelligent. Edward liked perfection. I frowned, if that was the case, why was he with Bella Swan?

She was nothing like me. I was confident and I knew how to please him. In no damn way could she blow him like I did. Knowing her, she probably would throw up if she put him in her mouth. What did she have that I couldn't give him?

_Normality._

Edward didn't want to be a queer as he put it. He was in so much denial about being gay that I think he convinced himself he was bi. I shrugged. Maybe he was. I would never know because I can't read his mind. He wasn't honest enough to tell me his true feelings. Well I take that back, he tried, I just didn't listen. I didn't want to know.

I sighed and wiped my face with my hand, sitting up. I couldn't run from this. I wasn't the one unsure of himself. I needed to talk to Edward face to face and make him choose. He wouldn't pick me, I was sure of it but he would miss what I gave him every morning before school, after school, every evening before bed and sometimes in the middle of the night.

He was a very horny guy. He had to be to take on two people who hungered for all of his attention. Was I really ready to let go of all of that? I had to. He couldn't always get what he wanted. He was a Cullen. They owned this town, and felt they owned everything in it. More like everyone in it. Especially my Edward. He never had to want for anything.

I got up grabbing my keys. Two could play this game, can't they? No more nice Jasper Hale. It was time to even the playing field a bit. Even if I cheated.

* * *

"Why Hello Jasper. Edward is upstairs." Alice Cullen smiled sweetly at me. I nodded. She had a great taste in fashion. If I were openly gay I would ask her to wear her scarf. It would compliment my skin tone perfectly. Right then, I got the idea.

"I didn't come to see your brother. Uh, may I come in?" Her face lit up and she waved me inside. I knew this house like the back of my hand. I heard a sound from upstairs and instinctively I looked up. I then returned my eyes back to hers and smiled.

"Oh, yea, Edward's sort of..busy with his girl toy." She looked disgusted, yet sorry.

I forced myself to keep the smile on my face. "You mean Bella Swan."

She shook her head. "No, your sister Rosalie." My mouth fell open. My sister..

"You mean my sister is up there getting it on with my..my best friend of all people? He would've told me. But your brother and her..I mean other brother, Emmett…they…what the hell is going on?"

"He thought you would've been upset…And his girlfriend would be too. I tend to stay out of things like this."

"Do I fucking know him at all?" I punched the wall, then apologized. "I didn't mean to cuss in front of you Alice. I actually came to ask you something."

"Well, if you pay to fix that wall you put your hand through, ask away."

I agreed. "Well, as awkward as this is, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to hang out more. I mean, be my girlfriend." I said it with a whoosh. What the hell was I doing?

She hopped and ran and gave me a huge hug. I forced myself not to yank away from her kiss. "I thought you would never ask me!" She giggled and bounced away, on an insane high. So she did like me like Edward said. I sort of thought he was just teasing me.

"You're answer is?"

"Yes! I would love to!"

"Good." I smiled at her. The same smile I used to get her brother. Just then there was a noise behind us.

"Jasper.." It was just above a whisper. I couldn't help but to squint my eyes in pissed mode.

"Yes, Edward?" My question dripped with sarcasm.

"We need to talk.. now." He looked around. "Alone."

I picked up Alice's hand and kissed it. "I will see _you_ later."

I dismissed myself and I gave my sister a we will talk later glance. She crossed her arms and stared at me with vengeance in her eyes. She might scare every one else but she did not worry me. I knew how to handle her. I pushed out the front door and I began walking to my car.

"Wait, damn it, we need to talk!" Edward yelled at me. I didn't answer him, instead I slipped into my car seat. To my surprise Edward hopped in on the passenger side.

"Get out." I couldn't handle him being so near in a closed proximity. His scent was overpowering and it made me hard despite myself.

"Just drive." I wanted to tell him to burn in hell but I reversed the car and squealed out of the drive way. After a few minutes I cleared my throat.

"Where do you want to go?" I was falling back into this role again. Fuck!

"The woods.." Remember the woods? I wanted to say but I stopped myself. Even in this he was the dominator. He dominated everything! I pulled over to the side of the road and stormed out of my car into the shade of trees. I didn't stop until we were 20 feet from the road. "Go ahead."

"At least turn around and look at me..I wanted to tell you.."

"_I wanted to tell you_. _I wanted to tell you_. Ha! Your penis holds so many secrets, I just hope it doesn't hold a STD." I turned to face him then, venom exploding in my voice. "I let you touch me with out protection. How long have you been sleeping around with chicks? God, tell me you use a condom with Bella."

He stood in silence and it just angered me. Before I could catch myself I hauled off and cracked him in the jaw with my fist. My eyes widened when I realized what I had done. Edward had fallen onto his knees and blood ran down his chin. Oh hell. I dropped down next to him and he wiped the blood on his sleeve.

"Edward..I.."

"Don't apologize. You know I deserved it."

My eyes stung again with unshed tears and I hugged him to me. His arms wrapped around me and I was losing the fight to be mad. I wasn't this person. I couldn't stop myself from loving him and I couldn't stop Edward from liking women.

"Why are you doing this? You know I will take it. Why do you keep screwing me over?" I begged him as I cried. "I would do anything for you."

"Because I don't _want_ to be _gay_. I can't be this way Jasper! It's wrong. It's disgusting." I was taken aback.

"Your gay…like me?" I pushed him back a bit to stare in his eyes. He was joking. This didn't make sense.

"I knew I was gay the moment I saw you three years ago in ninth grade. You were the most beautiful being I had ever seen in my life. So when we experimented with alcohol from my parents pantry that night at the sleep over and we kissed in the tree house, I played it off like I didn't want you to. Do you remember?"

"Yes." I drawled slowly.

"And that night when we slept together in the sleeping bag and you snuggled up to me and I kissed you, I told you I was bi, remember?"

"Of course I remember, where are you going with this?"

"That night when you slept next to me, I told you I loved you. I told you everything. I didn't want to be an abomination. My parents wanted good children. I'm defected. There's something wrong with _us_." He looked on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Why are you telling me this now? You should've told me when I was not passed out in a drunken stupor when we were 15 years old. That would've meant so much to me to know that I wasn't alone. You're using these girls as a cover. You're ruining their lives, Edward. But I guess that's what Cullen's do."

"Like you? What do you think you're doing with my sister Alice? She has loved you since she was eight!"

"I guess we can call it even then?"

His eyes glazed over with a desperation I had only seen once when Esme died. He had needed me that night and he had given me one of the best blow jobs I had ever had and I had blown him for hours until he passed out from fatigue. It was a look that sort of made me uncomfortable.

"Jasper, just don't sleep with her, Okay?" He was incredible. Always about him!

"Fuck off, Edward. I am going to sleep with her even if I have to think about naked men dancing a jig around me."

"But you're not like me, Jasper." He stood up and began pacing. "You don't use people."

"Well, people change."

"But _WHY_?" His hands fisted in his hair. He was losing it for sure.

"Because I have to beat you at your own game."

"I'll tell her your gay!"

"Fine. I will tell her how much you like giving it to me up the ass. I'll show her all of your naughty little emails you sent me, and texts, and letters. I will tell her that her handsome, straight, ladies man brother is really a sex obsessed gay man who likes to cum on my face. Oh, I won't stop there though." The muscle near his jaw ticked and looked at me with hate. "I will print them out and staple them all over town. I will go through the school email and send it around to students and teachers alike."

"I'll sue." He stepped toward me.

"Go ahead. Damage will be done." I shrugged.

"You win." He choked out and crumpled to the ground again, head in his hands as he cried. My stance softened a bit and I sat next to him.

"I don't want to fight with you." Don't let him gain control again. I gave him a huge hug and he cried on my shoulder. Usually I was the one crying to him, so the role reversal was a bit unsettling. What was more unsettling was when he decided to start kissing my neck. It was unexpected and I couldn't stop myself from enjoying it. What the hell was he up to?


	2. Chapter 2

I shivered when his hand ran down my chest and stomach and undid my belt. I was already hard as hell and his grip on me now made me breathless. I wanted to stop him, but how could I cut off my feelings. I was taking a stand against him now but it was hard to do when I loved him this much. His stroking was making me delirious and I was close to releasing myself in his hand.

"No, let me." He was up to something I suppose, but how can I think about that when I felt like this. He pushed me back and unbuttoned my shirt. I moaned loudly when he nibbled and sucked on one of my nipples. My breathing quickened when he planted a kiss against my jeans. I raised up and he pulled them down.

My eyes followed him and he wrapped his hand back around me and slipped my pulsating head inside of his warm wet mouth. I groaned. This was so much torture. I wasn't used to Edward giving more than he was taking. I had finally broken him and it felt great.

I whispered his name and my hand ran through his tousled hair. He knew exactly what would send me to the brink. He was deep throating me now and I was so close that I couldn't stand it. My hands on his head brought him crashing down and I felt my dick hit the back of his throat when at the same time I thrust up my hips. I heard him gag unexpectedly and I was done for.

I came down his throat and Edward's eyes snapped open. He had never allowed me to orgasm in his mouth before and I forced him to swallow it in the throws of that incredible climax. Awkwardly, he wiped his mouth lifting up. I knew he wanted something in return.

"What?" I asked him gasping for air.

"I want to see something." I raised up on my elbows and quirked my head at his statement.

"I..never let someone..well we've never.."

"What are you saying? You, Edward Cullen, wants me to top him? You want to be my bitch now." I laughed in delight.

"I'm no one's bitch asshole!" He pushed my shoulder playfully. "I just want to know. And I want you to forgive me. What better way than to give you something I never allowed you to have. All of me."

"You're bribing me aren't you? That's how you work!" I yelled at him. He looked guilty to the core. I couldn't believe this. It was all an act. The kissing, the blow job, the insanity. He was working me like a pimp works his best prostitute. I pushed up and fixed my pants. "Walk back home."

"Jas." I loved when he called me that. I began stalking away towards my car. "You can't leave me here."

"Don't be scared. You can use your arrogance as a shield."

Without another word to him I reached my car and flew down the street. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't. He wanted to use and manipulate people, then that's what he would get back. I tried to pride myself in being nothing like the Cullen's but I was going to forget that now. Even Alice was not above reproach. She was one of them. I think today Edward had met his match.

* * *

_Dear Jasper Hale,_

_I haven't spoken to you in a week and I miss you. I meant what I said even though you think that I was lying to you. I love you. I came out to my Father last night and it has been rough. He is sending me away to Chicago to live with my mother's side of the family for the Summer. All I ask from you is forgiveness and to use me as I have you. I don't want to leave Fork's with out you having all of me. My Father has forbidden me to tell anyone in the family or to go out of the house. That is why I haven't been in school. I tried to call you when I could but he is monitoring my calls. He is out of town for tonight only so I can only ask you to come see me now. No one will be home. Please, don't disappoint me. I love you, Jasper. Also, you and my sister make a great couple and I will not interfere in this. You seem happy from what she tells me. I just want to make it right with you._

_Love,_

_Edward Cullen_

I crumpled up the fax letter and threw it in the trash and my heart sunk even deeper than before. Staying away from him was painful. Never seeing him again was past the point of heart breaking. It was devastating. I had to go whether I felt I should or not.

I was actually enjoying my time with Alice and we had fooled around a bit on Edward's bed and I almost wanted to make love to her a few times but only when we were on his bed and I could smell him. She always picked times when he was gone because she knew we were on the outs. I would close my eyes and pretend that she was him. Alice was undoubtedly a little freak.

I didn't realize I was in my car speeding to their mansion until I was pulling into the driveway and running to the door. He was going to go away for months and we were fighting. I didn't want him to leave that way, because when he returned it would be weird between us. I rung the doorbell and he buzzed me in.

I took the stairs two at a time and I opened his door quickly. He sat on his bed with his head in his hands and I heard him crying. He was really crying over this. He looked up to me with his red puffy eyes and I couldn't hurt him any more at that moment. I pulled him up and hugged him. All his warmth encased my body.

Without any words, he was all over me. I heard my shirt rip when he tried to force it off of me and I honestly couldn't have cared less. I just wanted to be next to him. Skin on skin. He was underneath me and before I realized I had him nearly spread eagled prone style hanging over the bed. I could see his hand under him in his jeans and I got even more hard at the fact that he was stroking himself.

I took advantage of that and pulled his slacks and boxers down. I didn't give him a chance. I didn't use lube. I just wanted the friction and I was feeling very animalistic with him. I wanted to control him. To give him what he wanted because after tonight he would go away and meet other guys and this, us, would be nothing to him. I placed my on his back and I held him to the bed, entering him hesitantly. My head lolled back, he was so tight. I almost came when his other hand gripped the sheets and his hand rigorously moved under him.

I began to move after barely giving him time to adjust to me. He groaned loudly and for the longest time all I could hear was his ragged breathing mingled with moans. Edward was a good lay and the tightest. I could probably wager a bet on that. He was forcing me deeper by moving back on me.

"Jasper, fuck me harder. Make me pay." He was never a bottom kind of guy and I was never a top, but it fit the moment right now. He genuinely felt bad and it ended up turning into the best sex I had ever known. I reached in front of him and I helped jack him off and in no time he was moaning my name very loudly. His cream shot out and I continued to milk him because it made him tighten over me even more as he shook and pleaded with me to stop.

Me. He was pleading with me. Music to my ears that sent blue flames of searing heat through my body as I came inside of him. Just to know that he was giving me this beautiful gift sent me into another orgasm shortly after. I had never multipled in my life. My breath was coming quickly and I felt like I was suffocating. I could smell the scent of us in the air and I leaned over and kissed his neck and down his shoulder and clear across his back. He chuckled.

"We have a visitor." I stared into the far wall's mirror, and my eyes widened. Alice stood there in utter shock. I pulled out of Edward and adjusted myself. She took a step back and I held my hand out to her. I needed forgiveness for breaking her heart. She shook her head and ran down the hall.

"Alice!" I wanted to chase after her but Edward stopped me in my tracks. He held my hand in his.

"You will never have her now. You played your game well, Jasper. I'm just better at it than you."

My eyes widened. He wanted this to happen. He knew it would. I had lost.

* * *

I waited outside of Alice's door for an hour before she opened it. As soon as she saw me she tried to slam it in my face. I put my foot in the door and slipped inside before she could do anything else. The little pixie, I called my girlfriend, smacked me as hard as she could muster and I took it. My head hung as a slew of curses were issued from her mouth to me. I had never felt so low in my life.

I let her go crazy on me again and again, while she called me all the names I used to hear from my own father after the day I dressed up in my sister's hot pink leotard and tutu when I was six. I let her, because I knew she was mad. My dad I could hit and lash out to, but not this sweet little person that I came to truly know.

I came up to her and just held her to me. She tried to fight but I held her strongly to me and slowly her arms came around me. I was confused, because I felt a stirring inside of me. When her head lifted up and she stared into my eyes I kissed her lips softly. It sent a shock to my toes and all of the blood rushing to my previously relieved cock.

"Jasper.." She blinked at me confused. I shrugged my shoulders and blushed. I didn't like women so what was the point of this. Were my emotions so out of control that I found myself attracted to her? Or had I fallen for this cute little pretty thing? If I had thought Edward was bi, and he was really gay, could it be possible that I, Jasper Hale, gay as can be, was batting for both teams? I thought on it for a long moment. There was only way to find out.

I kissed her again, quickly, before I lost my nerve. Even Edward had never achieved this from me. I always knew what I wanted from him but this was so new to me. Not one girl had I let into my heart but somehow Alice had weaseled her way into a place I didn't want her to be. The place for only Edward.

She pushed away from me and wiped the back of her hand across her mouth. I sighed and leaned against the door defeated.

"You shouldn't do that to me, Jasper. You don't want what I have to offer you." She was on the verge of tears even though a small smile crossed her lips.

"Are you angry with me?" I whispered low.

"No. I think I knew.." She sheepishly darted her eyes. "I just cared about you so badly I didn't want to believe. I heard you and my brother talking about it one day when we were children and I heard you kiss each other for the first time." She sat on her bed. "I was always fascinated by you…I've always loved you."

I knew what she was telling me was the truth. Odd how things find a way of slapping you in the face later on in life. "I think I have to leave you all alone now. Go away from Forks."

"No! That is what Edward wants you to do. He wants you to be miserable and alone since you blew him off. I have a plan. It's time for Edward to get everything he deserves and more." Our eyes connected and my mouth spread into the biggest grin I had ever had in my life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Very short chapter. Sorry about that but something is better than nothing I hope!**

I was overjoyed at the fact that I had someone to help me plan Edward's demise. He was too obnoxious and powerful to do it on my own. I held a notepad in my hand while I thought hard on what I could do to him. I read the list of points of attack:

**Bella**

**Power**

**Mass of sluts**

"Are you going to put me down on the list, Jasper?" Alice blushed.

"I wouldn't do that to you. I admit, I started to but I won't use you in the worst way. Not like that."

"What if I wanted that from you?" She shyly looked away when I questioned her with my eyes.

"Alice..no." I squeezed her hand.

"But Edward would hate it. And I would have my first time with a person I've loved forever. Just consider it. He would go mad." I nodded and wrote on her down.

**Alice**

Could I really do it? With a girl? I chewed on the pen absentmindedly. I mean if I pretended again like I did when I made out with her I'm sure it was plausible.

"Can we now?" She squeaked out.

"This is awkward." I volunteered my opinion.

"I know I'm not Edward, that I can't be desirable to you and I'm not as good looking as my brother, but I am willing to do what it takes or else Edward will always throw his weight around. He's just like my father but they hate each other so much."

I sighed slowly, unsure. "I haven't cleaned up yet and I feel like such a...well, lets just say I could use a shower?"

Oh..go ahead and use mine." I bashfully accepted. How did I get in these messes?

* * *

I slipped in next to Alice and I felt like a virgin again. I was nervous and shy. I began to feel sick to my stomach. She initiated a soft kiss and I lay there stiff as a board. Stiff down there where I shouldn't be too. The nervousness made me irritatingly hard. Not to mention her hand brushing across the head of my erection making me moan. OK, that felt the same.

I let her stroke me and involuntarily my hips slightly thrust to get more sensation. Her eyes widened in awe and she watched me. My eyes hooded watching her as well as she licked her lips. I kissed her again and she slipped her tongue between my lips. We battled for a while until I could feel the orgasm lapping closely.

"If you don't stop that there might not be any time for you to have fun." I slowed her hand and pushed her onto her back. I couldn't take her now or it would be all over in a minute. There was no way that I was going to let that get out. I had to do something to her. I started to feel slightly turned off at that thought.

The female body wasn't something that I really cared about or knew what to do with. My sister would watch porn with Emmett at our home, so I knew what I should do but I was afraid I couldn't do it right. I didn't even know how to have foreplay with a girl. I guess all the basics still applied.

I kissed down her body, oddly avoiding her breasts with my mouth. It sort of disgusted me to think of laying my mouth on them, which was awkward for me because soon I would be in an even worse area. She spread her legs on pure instinct when my lips reached her abdomen and I flicked my tongue out. To that there was an enormous 'Jasper!' released. I hope Edward had heard.

I continued my assault on her senses until she became wracked with shivers. Her hand was fisted in my hair. It sort of hurt, but this would be over soon. I fingered her like Edward had done for me and she winced slightly. I swirled my tongue faster until she relaxed. She mewed some what quietly, then louder when her back arched up off of the bed and I forced myself to get hard again. Now was the best time as any, so I moved over her and slid myself in to the hilt. Her eyes snapped open from the flitter of pain and I kissed her cheek.

"Let me know when you are ready." I whispered shakily in her ear.

"I'm okay, Jasper. Don't worry."

I wanted to make her first time exceptional. She shouldn't regret this even though I was sure she would later. I slipped her hands into mine to be more intimate. It was what a girl like Alice deserved. I was gentle with her until her nails dug into my back and her legs wrapped around my waist. I moaned into her neck. I was close too. I slid into her slightly more forceful.

I did something that I felt was gross to me that would give her more pleasure. My lips covered her peaked nipple and she moaned again. My teeth gripped it gently as I sucked on it. I bit down lightly, just enough to cause a good kind of pain. Her fingers tightened around mine and her legs quivered. Then it happened for me. I loudly orgasmed when I felt her milking me. Jesus. It was actually good to be with a chick too. I leaned my weight off of her and brushed her sweat wet hair off her forehead.

"Wow." Her eyes opened calmly but her chest was heaving still. I slipped out of her and resumed my position by her side. Even I had to admit that was great. I hugged her to me and with the other hand reached for the pen and scratched her name off on the notepad. Who could've figured that I would be able to please a girl? "Don't worry about getting me pregnant either." She said breathlessly.

"Crap!" I had forgotten to use a condom. This is why I stayed with a guy. Granted, I should be having safe sex but I only had sex with Edward now and he was clean. He made sure he was every few months. Before I hadn't understood, but now I knew it was because he was sleeping around carelessly.

"I can't have kids. Old surgery when I was six. A long, long story. You're safe though."

We jumped as a banging sounded at the door and we both jumped. Edward was screaming like a maniac. Alice jumped out of the bed and slipped my shirt over her head just in time before he kicked in the door. He looked like a mad man; face red and eyes widened in anger. His fists were clenching and unclenching every few seconds. He looked like he could kill us both.

"What the hell, Edward!" Alice shrieked and threw a book from her stand at him, missing him completely.

"Get the hell out of here now!" He fumed.

"But it's my room!" She retaliated until he made a movement towards her as if he was going to strike her. I was there in a flash restraining his hand. She ran out of the room and his insane eyes swept over me.

"You betrayed me."

"Betrayal, you should know all about that. Bella, Rosalie, who knows how many others. You betrayed them and me. I loved you, but not any more." Alright, I was lying but he didn't need to know.

"You fucked my little sister?" I didn't say anything and he looked as if he was going to cry. I pulled on my pants. "I love you!"

I could tell it was true, he had finally admitted it but the damage was already done. There would be no more Edward and I. Ever again. I had Alice to keep me on the straight and narrow if I had even the slightest inkling to go to him, she would know about it. She was good at sensing things about me I had learned in the last few days.

I almost felt bad for him. He was quite scary in his obvious mental breakdown. I was waiting for men from the hospital to barge in and put him in a straight coat of some sort. His eyes were blood red and he looked ill. I didn't think he could really physically hurt anyone because it wasn't in him to do so. But it was becoming very easy for me to believe other wise when he began advancing on me.

"I gave you everything you ever wanted and you..YOU..of all people treat me just like my father! Always asking so much of me, wanting too much of me, everything that I can't give you. YOU! YOU!"

I took a step backward. I didn't mean to come off as cowering away from him but in reality I have never seen him like this in my life. Well, I take that back. He acted like this back when Esme had died. He had felt like everything was crumbling under his feet. He felt like he had lost everything in the world. Good, finally he knew how I felt at this moment.

I didn't want him to go crazy over it but I couldn't control how he felt about it. I was only able to manipulate him how he did me. It was a bit unsettling when I saw him react like this, but what else could I do? He had to learn his lesson. And quickly. Even if I had no chance in hell with him now, at least his next boyfriend or girlfriend would get the nicer Edward.

"I'm going to show you what I do to people who need a lesson taught to them, Jasper." His teeth were clenched and he stepped towards me. "I am going to make your life not worth living and if I can help it, everyone will hate you; including me." With out another word he stormed out. This was going to be the worst day ever.


	4. Chapter 4

The last few months were the hardest for me. I had endured days upon days of never seeing Edward. I knew I had hurt him beyond imaginable when he didn't show up to school either. I was going to stop right then but Alice and Rosalie had goaded me. He did deserve all of this pain but then enough should have been enough after I had released the picture. It had spilled so out of control after that. Every one knew and had come forward with their theories and tales.

Secretly I had probably known that would happen, and I had been so hurt and frustrated that I subconsciously crossed every one off the list at once. Bella was the first to see the picture I had taken of Edward touching himself and I had shopped myself in the picture but removing my tattoo. She had cried so hard but I had not meant to hurt any one but him. She had told me that she was pregnant with his child and didn't know what to do now.

I had so much guilt when weeks later she had an abortion. I sat at home all day and cried my eyes out. I wasn't this person I was trying to be. My love for Edward was too strong, and my feelings for him never went away. I was ruining not only his life but Bella's; and Alice's. She was so in love with me by now that she didn't realize that our agreement was just that, an agreement. She chose what I wore, fixed me lunch and brought it to school, held my hand, kissed me as she pleased, and she wanted to be intimate often. I had to keep sleeping with her or she would get hurt too.

I didn't want Alice. I wanted Edward. I wasn't bi or anything like that, I was gay. If anything, this month had proved it to me. My vengeance made sex with Alice the best. Once it died out, I hated it. She didn't know I secretly held a small picture of Edward in my hand when we did missionary or doggy style. The only time I couldn't was when she rode me. It was impossible for me to get off then. The sight of her wasn't at all appealing.

"Jasper, what are you thinking of?" Her voice brought me out of the dark cave in my thoughts.

"Just everything that we've done."

"He deserved it."

"Did Bella?" My voice cracked. She had nearly died from the infection from her back alley abortion clinic and its dirty equipment.

"No, she didn't, but how could you have known it would happen like that? We all didn't and we are all in this together. He got what he deserved and you made me so happy. He had it coming and you know it." Her hand ran down my bare chest. I shivered at her touch. It wasn't because I wanted her, which she took it as that, but because her touch made me ill.

"I don't think plastering him naked with me in bed with him while he strokes himself was a good idea. He can't come back from that."

"And he shouldn't." She kissed where her hand had been and continued down until she was under the covers. I squeezed my eyes shut. Not this again. I couldn't stand one more time of her putting me in her mouth. It made me cringe.

Somehow she managed to get me hard and despite what my mind was saying, I enjoyed it just a bit. It wasn't enough to release myself, but the feeling was good to have. It vanquished some stress for me. With me not getting off she took that as a sign that I wanted to have sex with her. Slipping down on me, she tousled my hair.

"Wakey, wakey." She laughed and I opened my eyes.

"Alice, I'm not up for this right now." I beseeched her.

"You seem _up_ to me." Her teasing words just struck a cord inside me.

"Just get off of me. I can't do this right now. This is all you want from me. I'm not going to just be this for you, too. You merit so much more than me. I'm not in love with you. And this..." I paused a second. "Isn't what I want. I don't want you and I can't keep this up. It's depressing. I love you Alice, really, I do, but not what is due you."

Her eyes brimmed with tears and I winced. With out another word she climbed off of me and put on her dress. I sat up on the bed in silence. It had to be said, and though I should've chosen nicer words, I had so much internal turmoil that I couldn't have taken the time to.

"You can leave for the day Jasper." Her words were dismissive.

"Alice..." I sighed. "Please, I want to be friends."

"Get your gay ass out of my bed!" Her words stung and after she had said them her eyes widened in apology.

I nodded, donning my clothing, and grabbing my book bag. With out another word I slipped out of her door. A hand on my elbow stopped me for a second. Her voice was low.

"Forget I said that, I understand, I really do. We will see each other tomorrow right?"

"Yes." I didn't turn around to look at her and she let me go and clicked her door shut quietly. I was going to run out of that house as fast as I could but I heard my name. It was Edward. Had he known I was there?

I knew I shouldn't have but I entered his room instead of going down the stairs. He was sleeping and he looked so bad to be honest. He had grown a beard and his eyes were dark under them. His hair was every which way, more than usual. What had I done to him? I was the new Edward hurting people over and over for my gain. A bottle of vodka lay next to him in the bed. He held a picture of me sleeping. It was crumpled slightly. I turned to go, I just had to see him when he stopped me.

"Jasper, don't leave…don't leave…" his voice was slurred.

He was still sleeping but the sound of him crying made me want to.

"I hurt you, I did, and I'm sorry, so, so, sorry you were. I didn't mean it. I love you..NO! Jasper don't…don't go…don't leave." His words were mumbled but I could make them out.

I was wary of believing him or not. He could be faking it like everything else. I hated that he made me wonder if anything at all about him was true. As I walked closer, I realized that almost the whole bottle of vodka had been drained. Was he mad? His chest rose and fell quickly and his leg twitched. He reminded me of a dog who dreamt of running.

"Wait!" He groaned.

I moved closer to him and tentatively reached out and swept his hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear. My poor Edward. I couldn't bear to see him suffering so but he brought a lot of this on himself. But who was I? I wasn't God. I had no right to pass judgment on him and in such a way that he will forever be shunned in today's society.

"Bella…" My eyes squinted at her name. I hated he cared about her so much. It was jealousy at it's finest. "Don't kill our baby. He doesn't need to pay for what I did. I would be a good father. I would." His voice cracked in pain. "I wouldn't be my father I promise. Please!"

I sat on the edge of his bed and I began to weep at that. I was worse than Edward. I had helped in the decision to kill an innocent life. A knock at the door sounded and then it opened before I could hide. I should've locked it. Edward's step-mother eyed me and then Edward. I motioned her to not say anything. Wiping my eyes I left him and entered the hall.

"Mrs. Cullen." I cleared my voice. "I'm sorry, I was just checking up on him."

"We need to talk about Edward since you are here. Come with me."

She had gained a few pounds since I had last seen her. I silently followed her, turning slightly to take a quick peek at Alice's door. When I passed it I heard her sniffles, I had made her cry. I was messing up all over the place. I entered into the lobby with Tanya, and she poured us some tea and sat down on the sofa. I sat across from her in the chair. What did she want with me?

"I know you and Edward are together. Well, _were_ together."

I was dumbfounded.

"I'm not with him if that is what you are insinuating. Definitely not like that." I scolded her with my words.

Her eyebrow raised in question.

"He told me, Jasper. And I just know things. You never looked at him with just friends in your eyes. Not here anyway. Regardless, why are you doing these things to him?"

A blush slowly crept over my whole body.

"I'm not." Was all I could say. She had blind-sided me.

"He doesn't eat. He just drinks his life away all over you and what you did to him. If you wanted to crush his spirit you did a good job. I'm not saying he didn't need some of it, but to what extent? He's going to be sent away for it." I started to say something but she shook her head. "He won't be able to see his baby being born or anything. Carlisle decided to kick him out for good and send him farther away than Chicago. He's going to send him to London."

My heart sunk under my feet.

"He came out to me after everything happened and he loves you but is unsure on how to love. Unfortunately, his father isn't the best in that department and the one person who was, passed away. I had meant to speak with you before now but I am dealing with things of my own." She took a sip of her tea and placed it back on the saucer on the table.

"I'm..I don't know what to say."

"Just stop this. You are killing him. He's going to drink himself to death and his baby needs him."

"Bella had an abortion already." Guilt echoed in my voice.

"I'm not talking about hers, I'm talking about mine." Her eyes never left mine as she spoke. I put the pieces together.

"You and Edward? Are you insane?!" I gasped.

"Please, keep your voice down Carlisle will be home any minute."

"So let me get this correct. You and Edward did _that_ and now are having a baby?"

She nodded.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Here I went acting as if I were Mr. Perfection.

"I wasn't and now I am paying for it. Carlisle doesn't know but for some reason he is suspicious and is taking it out on Edward."

"Well, I have nothing to do with that."

"I know..I just care for Edward."

"I bet." I sarcastically replied to her statement.

"Please, I mean it. I care for him like a mother should. Now."

I scoffed. "Mother's shouldn't have sex with and get knocked up by their children."

"Father's shouldn't beat their children for being something they can't help. Edward's not the only drunk here."

I was taken aback by her admonition.

"Why is he getting beat?"

"Because he's not perfect. He's gay and has made a laughing stock out of my husband and this family. He's all over the news and no matter what it doesn't stop. He's forbidden Edward to leave the house, or his room."

I frowned. Alice hadn't told me any of this and I was sure I knew why. I would have stopped all that I was doing and gone to him. I had to make this right. If anything I deserved some punishment as well.

"I'll fix this…" She smiled sadly at what I said.

"I hope you can."

* * *

It was my turn to smile sadly when I left the news station. They had recanted their whole story on Edward. Apologizing on air for running false information. I had showed them the negatives for the picture and told them that I found them and wanted to get revenge for him keeping me from his sister, so I faked everything. I was possibly going to have to face some legal matters possibly but I was prepared for it.

I had to make it right and I did. Everything wouldn't go away, there would be some people who would still believe it but over all he was safe. I wasn't. I still had to go to the hospital and speak to Carlisle about this. He was going to be furious. He hated my guts now more than before since I started dating Alice.

He had it out for my mother and some reason out for me. I never could figure out why. He probably would hate me more so for everything I would be telling him. I will clear up Edward's name so he can stop his abuse. I was no better than him and I wasn't the judge and jury in his life. I would be the savior and then maybe he could find a way to forgive me for everything. Just a hope.

If I were him, I wouldn't let me get away with this. I chuckled in disbelief. Well, I would most likely go back to incurring his wrath and I hoped that it wouldn't be too bad. I would even go through school to try and get his name cleared. I was a part of the Student News Council and I would make that right as well over a broadcast.

He had to forgive me, before I could forgive myself.


	5. Chapter 5

Carlisle took the news pretty well. He didn't kill me. Just threw me out of his office. He looked guilty and ashamed. At least, we wore the same face. He said that he knew exactly why he hated me in the first place and that Hale's can't be trusted. My sister had already gotten her hooks in one of his son's and I wasn't going to get my hooks in his virgin daughter. How wrong he was on that one.

Shaking my head I cleared it. I now sat in front of the camera and my friend Eric Yorkie laughed at me. I gave him a no-nonsense look and watched the red light blinking. Recording. I cleared my throat and heard it many ways as it went down the hall reverberating in every room. I had interrupted the afternoon news.

"Good afternoon fellow students. I intervene in this broadcast to announce that I am submitting my statement into the school board for hacking into the school computers to distribute my fake pictures of Edward Cullen. It was a misuse of my education and yours and a vile and very dangerous and also vindictive act on my part. None of what was told to you was true.

I apologize to my peers, my teachers, to Alice Cullen, and to Edward Cullen for my actions. I furthermore, implore them to forgive me, but I can not forgive myself. That is all I have for you all this afternoon. Now back to your program in progress."

"Whoa, heavy words." Eric said as he turned the camera off.

"Yup, I just hope people believe me. I never intended all of this shit. I was just jealous and-"

"I don't need your sappy speech man." He cut me off, chuckling. "I get it, Alice is hot."

I smiled. "Yea, but we are over. I heard she thought you were cute though." I stood up and I could see his ego rising. It wasn't true but that would be my payback for Alice. I walked down the hall and I saw the Principle standing there with his arms crossed. I just had this feeling I was going to get expelled.

* * *

Well that wasn't so bad. No field trips, detention until graduation and I was no longer able to play on the football team or any other sport for that matter was a good enough punishment. It wouldn't make me feel less guilty though. I had a call home to my mother. She cried like crazy. You would've thought I killed someone. I very nearly had... Edward.

When I walked out into the parking lot I saw Edward standing by his car. He was tense and angry and I knew that he wasn't going to forgive me any time soon. I had to make my amends in person. I walked up to him and his face darkened like that night in Alice's room. I was unsure of what happened next but I was on my butt staring up at him. I could taste the blood in my mouth. Dazed I looked up at him as he backed off.

"Get up!" He screamed at me. I wiped the blood from my lip and stood.

"Look, I'm not trying to fight with you, Edward. What I did was shitty. I know but-" His hand shot out and clocked me in my stomach. I dropped down and gasped for air, almost puking.

"GET…UP!" Edward roared.

I looked around. A crowd was forming around us and now there was no way I wasn't going to fight him. I may be an asshole but I wasn't a coward and even though I deserved this beating, I wasn't going down with out a fight. I took a breath and charged him, knocking him on his back.

I swung a blow at his eye while I had the upper hand. I connected and he grunted in pain. He pushed me off of him and I scurried to my feet. I went to kick him in the stomach while he tried to get up, but he was too quick. Before I could even block he had landed four or five jabs to my midsection.

I countered with a left hook and upper cut. Pretty soon I started getting angry. He was really kicking my ass. He made a really chick move and kneed me in the crotch, and then brought said knee up into my face. I fell backward holding my nose. The pain was excruciating and luckily there was no blood. I saw stars as he was over me. And he still was swinging at my face while I was down.

I almost blacked out when I heard Bella. Why the hell was she stopping the fight? In all reality I deserved every punch. My eye was almost swollen shut. I peered out my good eye to see that she was pulling Edward off of me. What the fuck. Let him.

Edward was shaking so hard you would have thought it was -20 degrees outside. Bella took his hand and let him away. I squinted in jealousy. She always got the good side of him and I never received the best. Stupidly I called him a bastard and then my world went black.

* * *

"God." I moaned as I moved. Everything hurt. I sighed. The road to redemption was a painful one, but much needed. I caught sight of Rosalie and called for her. She gave me her usual steely eyed glare. I don't know what the hell Emmett sees in her. She made me sick to be frank. For twins we were so opposite.

"What? I have a date with Em." She groaned and put her hands on her hips.

"We never talked about you sleeping with Edward."

"Don't want to talk about it." She dismissed me and tried to walk away. I hopped up despite the broken ribs. I sucked in a sharp breath, regretting it.

"Rosalie, I'm begging here.. Please." I gave her the puppy dog eyes.

"Fuck Jas. Stop it. Fine. Ugh!" She walked back and flopped on the bed. "Five is all you get."

"Why did you sleep with him? Did you know I loved him? Why are you cheating on a guy who loves you and gave up all the free ass in the world? Why did you hurt me like this? And do you have a disease?" I was out of air by the time I finished.

"First off, who I sleep with shouldn't matter to you and I didn't know he was a gay wad like yourself. He had something over my head, and you know I always liked Eddie, but you stole him from me. I didn't know you loved him. I love Emmett but he's not packing in the nether department and can't give me what I need and since you REALLY want to know getting raped hasn't helped me be faithful. I'm going to counseling for that remember? Also, I don't try to hurt you, I always try to protect you. And NO I don't have a disease, I use protection. Unlike your Edward. He wanted to have sex with out one! Now, I have to go. Em's waiting." Her face was red and I couldn't tell if it was from anger or embarrassment.

"Just..don't keep hurting Emmett, Rosalie. He really does love you and definitely not with low life's." She thought for a second then waved a goodbye.

I held my aching side. Well, that was just peachy.

* * *

I was being ignored by every one. So this is what it felt like to be shunned, got ya. I made my way to my table of friends and they all gave me that look. That I can't believe you'd do some stupid shit like that look. The only one who actually said hi to me was Angela. She just didn't have it in her to be mean. I saw Edward look up at me. He gave me that eat shit and die look, and Bella gave me the go sit some where else one. God, I had royally screwed up. Were they back together?

I took my tray and stood but Rosalie spoke up. "No need to leave Jas. If they don't like you sitting here they can all fucking fuck off to another table." I grinned awkwardly at her and sat down. She was right, she always tried to protect me.

"Too bad my baby couldn't join us." Bella grumbled.

My eyes widened and they darted to Edward. He looked away immediately.

"Well, maybe you can take your dying uterus to another table." Rosalie spat out.

Bella started flipping out and every one turned towards our table. Just great. I shrank as low as I could. Before I knew it Rose had her hair and was wailing on her from across the table. Bella was giving a good effort but no one could fight like Rosalie. Edward sat there in shock, until he finally decided to intervene. I wasn't in this one. He learned a little too late as my sister popped him in his already bruised jaw. After that he backed out. Bella was getting cremated.

"Rose..just let her go." I said. She stopped in mid swing and pushed Bella backwards. She stumbled and landed on Edward's lap. Ah perfect. I shifted my eyes when he hugged her to him as she cried.

"Next time keep your mouth shut, baby killer, and we won't have a problem." I heard Emmet chuckle as he walked up with his tray and sat down, shaking his head. Knowing he had missed something. He kissed my sisters hand.

"She cheats on you Emmett. I-I-I saw her!" Bella had said the one thing that could break my sister. Every one pretty much knew this fact but out of fear of Rosalie and Emmett, no one said shit. I shook my head. Bella was going to die. Guess being in my ex lovers arms gave her some courage.

"Yea, sure." Emmett just ignored her and continued to eat his food. "Want one of my tacos babe?" He looked up at Rosalie who was probably making a list on a 1000 ways to dispose of her body.

"Ask Edward. She had sex with him!" Edward looked caught in the middle. I had pity for him. This was not going to end well.

"Yeah right," Emmett laughed with his mouth full. Then it clicked in his small little brain in that big massive body. The look on his brothers face said it all. He dropped his taco. On that note, sorry sis, it's time to take my leave.

I just made it to my car when I heard footsteps at a jogging pace. I thought it was Emmett to come kick my ass or something so I spun around ready to try to fight him. In shock my arm fell, it was the person I expected to see the least.

I didn't feel like fighting any more. I was so tired if he was going to pummel me he was just going to get a free pass. My shoulders slumped as he advanced and I backed up against my unopened car door. A hand raised and I braced myself. This school was going mad.

I relaxed when his lips touched mine and that all too familiar feeling came over me. He leaned into me and we tongue played for a while as we had our mad groping session in the parking lot. My mind was telling me to stop this madness that someone could see but it wasn't likely. No one was even in the parking lot. Sure they could see from school, but most likely I was too far away. I never tried to park close. I would always use that time to walk with and speak with Edward. Now it just sort of stuck.

I moaned into his mouth as he reached between us and took my hand and put it on his erection. Was this really happening or did I just get my lights punched out? His hand was grabbing the front of me hard. He pulled back his breath hot and labored. I looked around and surprisingly saw no one even remotely close to us.

"Get in the car Jasper." He demanded, yet pleaded. I had so many questions but I did what he asked. It had been so, so very long. I crawled in and saw Edward unbuckling his belt. My heart sped. He quickly hopped in the car and positioned me facing towards the back window.

"Ed-" I tried to say but he cut me off.

"No, don't say _anything_..please." He reigned kisses down my back and lowered my shorts down. My erection throbbed mercilessly against the cool leather of the seat. With a raspy groan he began to press into me. I was moist, waiting for his penetration.

When he was fully sheathed I gasped, my head hanging and my legs shaking. This was too good to be true. Edward began taking me, non too kindly. If any other time I might have protested, but this..this was too hot for me to even have a say in. He was loud, maybe the loudest I had ever know him to be. He was getting so much pleasure from me and I was getting just as much at the same time.

He had reached around me and was stroking me to his thrusts. It was urgent and I felt it. He was close. He ran his hands over my back, down to squeeze my butt. I called out his name before I could stop myself. The windows were starting to fog from the heat we were making and I was so close that I was sounding like a teenager getting his first lay.

"Jasper, I can't hold on, cum, please fucking cum for me." Edward urged. I felt that all telling tremor in his body and the knowledge that he was so close made it happen. My cum hit the seat cascading in numerous spurts. I thought it would never end as I shot a large load.

As if on cue, Edward loudly came. I could feel him shoot out hotly inside of me. He leaned back and rocked a few seconds until we both were whimpering from the sensation. He stayed inside me a few moments as he leaned back against the front driver seat and I rested on my arms. I was trying to catch my breath and summon the courage to ask what this was about. Did I really even want to know?

"Edward..why?" I said timidly and he with drew. I heard the rattle of his buckle as he fixed himself.

"I've been thinking," he said thoughtfully, "that maybe we should come out…I don't want to hide what I am and you shouldn't either."

What the hell happened to Edward?

**Wellll…..WOW! : ) Finally huh?**

**After 5PM PST 3/15/10 the contest winners will be up! Then message me and claim your prize!**

**TwilighterObsessed**


	6. CONTEST WINNERS!

**CONGRATULATIONS TO THE ONE SHOT CONTEST WINNERS!!!!!!**

**bbbluez and VampireEva!!!**

_Contest winnings: I will write a One Shot for each of you. Tell me which character you want to hear from. Also what situation in my story (if any) that you want to hear some one's side from. _

**Email me with your choices!**

**TwilighterObsessed**


	7. Another Contest!

**AUTHOR NOTE: FTLOJ HAS BEEN CORRECTED!**

**I apologize to those who my chapters seem to jump from one scene to the other, it was because I just noticed FFN didn't keep my story breaks. i usually put * or - or _ lol but for some reason they are taken out. I sincerely apologize and have corrected the problem in the later chapters! Thank you to one of my viewers that told me my story was hard to follow. I didn't realize that that was the reason! GRRR I'm going to fix the problem slowly through out the chapters but that requires a lot of saving every chapter and re-uploading, but it will be fixed this weekend! **

Hi every one,

GOOD NEWS! I am going to put up the FTLOE and FTLOJ stories before this weekend. I also am working on TSMW. I was just writing to ask for forgiveness. My RL has taken over my FFNL at the moment and that is why I am having a hard time continuing as I did before. I never write if I feel I can't do my stories justice. I would rather take a while to produce a good chapter than to just write and put something up that to me would be a sloppier version. I owe you all that follow them, better than that. I am also working on the full chapter of Rosalie Hale's story. So please keep in mind that I have a 40/hr a week job and a busy, busy, busy home life.

So to commemerate my story return I would like to open up a contest. The winner will recieve a 25 dollar gift card. As long as it is a place that I can get off a website and mail to you. This will be a trust thing, so if you aren't good at trusting someone to give your address then let me know and we can work something else out. A lot of people will feel I'm crazy but I am grateful that any one is actually reading my stories and taking the time to review.

So to that PLEASE review any chapter and by June 30th a lucky winner will be chosen! If you do not have a FFN account then please email me on here with the name you submitted your review under, what chapter, and an email address.

TwilighterObsessed


	8. Chapter 6

Come out? To every one? He wasn't ready for that. Neither was I, because if I was my heart wouldn't be palpitating so quickly. I was stuck on that phrase in my head that I had no clue what I was doing. I felt like an alien was piloting my body. I was doing things but with out realizing I was doing them. My hands were fidgeting into the cover. On top of that he wanted to make love to me. Never knew what that was like.

Edward didn't make love. Not to me any way. Maybe he did to Bella. I looked up. I guess he was waiting for my response because he was just staring at me with concern. I hadn't said anything since we got here.

"Uh, OK." His immediate reply brought a smile to my face and eased my mind a bit. He was good at making me feel better.

Even though I agreed to this my mind was still in the sky. Come out to every one. Have every one know that I suck and fuck Edward? No one really picked on me at school because we were friends, bur even his status and attitude couldn't keep all the jokes away. Who's ever been afraid of a 'fairy' beating them up any way? That's what we would both be, fruit flies. I've heard all the jokes before at my last school.

I gasped into Edward's mouth as he kissed me. I didn't quite realize that his fingers were inside me until he removed them and entered me with his penis. I closed my eyes and shivered against him. I was a bit sore from earlier but it still felt good enough. He was going slowly and I opened my eyes enough to see him. I could feel his hips pull away and then roll back into me. I couldn't help but to gasp again. Knowing Edward cared enough to make love to me made this time feel even more special.

His teeth nipping into my skin was driving me insane coupled with the slow but full penetrating plunges he was giving to me. His name, Edward's glorious name, I couldn't stop myself from uttering it. I was delirious from his kisses. I would never have thought that slow could be better. His fingers sliding in time up and down my hard on was ending it too soon. I said his name again, more in warning as he sucked my neck possibly giving me a hickey. I was branded his in more than one way.

I came so quickly during that I cried out. The orgasm had been building the whole time and the release of it had me moaning more than I expected. I felt a hand roughly cover my mouth as my orgasm slowed. My eyes popped open and I almost felt sick to my stomach. All that talk about coming out and not being ashamed was a lie. I wanted to push him off of me and I started to when he began to explain.

"I'm not ashamed of you Jasper. My dad will be home soon. It's going to take me a while to come out to him. I just want you to get pleasure. Don't worry about me."

"What have you done with my Edward?" Seriously, was he sick?

"Let's try a new position then." I was genuinely curious as to what position so I asked what he meant.

"You, on top." Really? I got to control everything! Wait, no, that's bad, I don't know the first thing about that.

"I don't know how to ride. We've never.." I couldn't help but to panic.

"Just straddle me, slide down on my dick here," I tried to stifle a giggle as he wiggled himself "And move up and down on it and you should be fine. I want you facing the mirror though. So I can see me going in and out of you, and still see your face. Touch yourself too."

"I don't know…" I wasn't used to this person he had changed into. He never gave up control. He always commanded it once he was around. I liked when he did in the bedroom, but him giving up complete control to me would be awkward to say the least.

"Fine, I just won't cum. This afternoon was about you any way since we got here. I only want to please you from now on. I won't get off unless you say.. Besides you won't have to do all the work. I'll thrust up into you, okay, if you're that unsure about it." Well, I should be sure. He was going to help me do it right and further more this had to be weird for him too. I wonder if Bella rode him. He sure seemed to know a lot of what to do and I was the only guy he'd ever been with and I hope he would ever be with. So he had to have done this with her. I was so jealous of that.

No more thoughts. I took my place over his lap. I would just have to make do.

"I have just one request." I started breathing faster when I saw us in the mirror.

"Anything for you, Jasper." He was playing with me, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't hold back. It's been so long. I prefer rough right now. I mean, don't get me wrong. Making love is great, but this position, I want it rough." Why the hell did I blush like a virgin now when I spoke to him? It was getting ridiculous.

"You control the pace since you're on top." He nodded matter-of-factly at me and I let out a breath.

"I'm nervous." I whispered.

"So am I."

Well, it was now or never right? I watched intently into the mirror, brushing my hand against him. He moaned as I continued to search and then found him, lining him up with my tight hole. I lowered onto him and I breathed out my mouth. It was a bit painful at first. Continuous sex with Edward wasn't all a bad thing, but it made me sore. I probably would have an issue walking afterward. He had one of the largest penises I've ever seen.

"Not funny..." I replied to his chuckle. I dropped lower still and managed to get him half in. Jas just relax. I told myself. With out warning Edward pushed all the way up into me. "Ah shit!" I nearly fell off from the discomfort. He laughed at me. "That hurt a bit Edward..I'm not used to this position, like I said." I was perturbed a bit. He said it would be at my pace.

"Sorry."

After waiting a few, I relaxed enough for it to feel good to me. Cautiously I started slow, riding him softly. I moaned and wanted more of this feeling. I think he was hitting my Prostate at this angle. I panted. More…need more. I sped up, slamming down onto him. Whatever that feeling was I couldn't let it go. I'd never felt it before. I let out another moan and possibly his name a few times. I couldn't focus. I was in a white haze.

I couldn't even hear Edward any more. I just felt everything; the tingling in my toes, the fire licking my insides, and the throbbing from him being inside me. My penis was so sensitive I could probably cum if I brushed it just once.

"Ohhhh, Gooood." I was close. I needed it but it seemed that is was staying just out of reach. I was getting weaker, shaking instead of slamming down.

My eyes flew open when I flipped forward a bit, onto my knees. It was a crazy position. Edward was now up on his knees between my legs but leaned back against the bed. I was on my knees with my legs on the outward side of his. His hands were on my hips dragging me backward. He made me push off of him until just the tip of his head was inside of me and then he thrust back inside of me deeply. I licked my lips. My panting was making them dry.

Lazily my head tilted backward. I couldn't take this much intense pleasure. Well I could, it was just very hard to focus. I gripped my hard on which was dripping pre-cum trying to speed it up. I couldn't take it. It was almost painfully sweet. I felt Edward's hand fist in my hair and I sped jacking myself off. _Ungh, so close. Please God please._

I shifted slightly back when he fully leaned against the bed and my back slid against his chest. My panting became louder. Soon. Soon. Edward's hand gripped mine and he tugged, I loosened my grip and my hand fell away but he quickly replaced it with his. It was different, the feeling from when you touch yourself and when some one else touches you. Edward's hand felt so much better and I was going to cum.

I came and I kissed him roughly. I couldn't be loud, I wouldn't be, for him. I felt his hand relax in my hair and he began to slowly pump into me. I could feel his warmth spurt inside me in waves. His tongue was plunging into my mouth in a deep kiss. I felt my cum release and that was when I was the most irrational with noise. I kept it inside his mouth but I was unsure if I sounded like a fool or not. I didn't really care. It felt so good, more than I had ever felt in my life.

Edward slowed inside me but he continued to stroke me as we kissed. I wiggled. Too good, felt so…I couldn't even formulate my thoughts right now. I was spent. All my energy relinquished from my body. I lay against him watching us lying together in the mirror, his hand still wrapped around me.

"Jeez, Edward." I never knew sex could be that great. I didn't know what else to say to him.

"Mmm." Well at least I wasn't the only one. "I love you, Jasper."

"You meant it didn't you?" I said in pure shock.

"Yea."

"What's wrong with you?" Was he dying?

"Nothing." He sighed and I wasn't sure it was really 'nothing'. "You have to go now. My dad.."

I agreed and carefully removed him from inside me. As soon as I finished cleaning up and clothing he did something out of character. He hugged me. I returned the favor and the hug became tighter. I was unsure at what all this emotional Edward was about but I loved him.

_

* * *

__Ping! _

I smiled. I must be getting an email from Edward or Alice because no one ever really bothered besides them two. I hopped off my bed, and I was reminded of what happened most of this day when I winced a bit. Next time I would get up slower. I frowned. Who the hell was GayInForks and how the hell did he get my addy?

Something told me not to open it but the curiosity got the best of me. It was addressed to every one at school. I clicked it and read the small message.

**Hi all of Forks. Have fun with this tasty new vid of a hottie named Jasper. **

Then it showed a link. My heart raced. Coincidence. It had to be, I tried to convince myself. I shouldn't click it but I did. In no time it took me to a website where the video played automatically. I saw myself riding Edward. No, riding a blocked out face. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I clicked it off.

He lied as usual. This was all payback and I fell right into his hands. He didn't love me, he never would. I wasn't Bella, or Rosalie, or Tanya for that matter. I had a dick. I would never be his boyfriend, not really. I would always be Mr. Cock on the Side.

All my pain was gone besides the gaping whole in my chest from my broken heart. I took my bat and smashed my computer. He wanted to destroy me. Fine, he could destroy me. I hit my television knocking it off my dresser. I hate myself for being such an idiot. I caught side of myself in the mirror and I flash backed to our wonderful night together. I closed my eyes. Why tonight?

I let out a cry of rage and I slammed the bat into the mirror where my face was. Not good enough. I'll never be good enough for him or any one. I cried again, dropping the bat. I stepped backwards until my back hit the wall and I slid down it, crying into my hands.

"No…No…No…No." I rocked back and forth. He was just going to keep using me. He abused everything, my faith, my love, my trust, my body. I might as well go pimp myself out on the street. I began rocking harder, hitting my fist into my head. "No…No…No…No." Loser. You're a loser. Waste of space. You're nothing. I tried to stop telling myself those things but I couldn't help it now.

This was the side Edward never knew of me. The depressed side of me; the insane cutter side. I kept him hidden because I found love. I found Edward. When my father passed away when I was young it was just a better way to deal. Hurt myself so no one else could hurt me. Every one picked on me because I was so thin and 'pretty'. I had to control my pain. He couldn't torture me any more. I would just hurt myself.

No matter how many times we argued or fought, I knew it would be okay, somehow. This…no everyone knew I was gay now. Every one will know at school. School! Just like I did him, but this was much worse. Videos were harder to fake. There was no way I could convince any one that that wasn't me banging the shit out of a guy.

I grasped a handful of my hair and pulled on it. "No…No…No…No! Stop it. Quit it. Stop it. Quit it."

I would hurt myself beyond anything he could ever do to me. I had to. Only way it would make this right again. He would see. I will atone for my sins. I let my hair go and wiped my face. I would show him.

* * *

I waited, knocking for the third time. I was just about to walk away when the door swung open and the person in front of me rubbed his eyes. I guess it was late and I had just woke him up from his sleep. He stared at me dumbfounded before looking both ways and pulling me inside.

"Jasper, what the fuck are you doing here in Seattle? I thought we agreed it was just a one night stand." He ran a hand through his blonde hair, his hazel eyes darting around nervously. "Some one could have seen you."

"No one knows you're gay Tim." I assured.

"Yea, and you better keep it that way." I nodded. "So what brings you here? It's been a long time."

"I missed you." I lied, I had to lie. Lying was the better thing to do right? To get what you want. Every one did it. His eyebrow rose in interest and I noticed the stirring down below. It was hard to miss when some one stood in their boxers.

"I thought you said I was too rough with you and bruised you up for weeks?" His hand went down and rubbed himself.

"I was just scared. It was my first time. I thought about it now and I want you to do it again."

"So you're saying you want me to hurt you?" I closed my eyes when that same sadistic smile he wore that night crept on his face.

"Yes."

"All right." He grabbed my hair and started walking back towards his room. "Be quiet though, my mom is drunk and passed out and she will just insist that she join if she wakes up." He made a face as if he was remembering something horrific but then it turned back into a smile. "You know, out of all the guys I slept with from Forks, you always were my favorite."

I shivered when the door of his room shut behind him.

Hours passed before it ended. I lay curled up on the bed, farthest away from him, shivering. He lay on his back breathing wildly. His hand played in my hair and trailed down my back. I closed my eyes against the tears. I paid in full. I atoned.

"You're not going all crazy on me again like last time are you?" He questioned almost desperately.

"No." I choked out. It was a blatant lie that I couldn't disguise.

"What the hell?" He all but roared, grabbing my shoulder and slamming me on my back onto his bed. "Don't start this shit. I didn't hit you this time. I only did that once because you were crying about how I was too rough. You were acting like you were an immature virgin."

"I know." My eyes grew wide and I shrunk under his steely gaze. "I was a virgin."

"WHAT?" He backed up off the bed slipping on his boxers. "Why didn't you say?"

I shrugged. "I didn't think you would care."

"I wouldn't have acted like that if I had known! My first time wasn't a nice introductory experience either. I would have made it good for you. Since you came on to me and asked me I just thought…You never complained while I was doing it." He was flabbergasted. "You know what; get the fuck out of my house. After all this time you come here just to fuck with me, get the fuck out Hale."

I got dressed in silence and watched him pace. Some one else was angry with me. My heart sunk, I didn't mean to cause this too. When I was dressed he walked me to the door. Opening it, he pushed me out.

"Well, thanks for the fuck. Don't come back." He called after me.

I heard the door click and lock behind me and I hung my head. Loser. You're nothing. Worth nothing. See? See how not even he wants you? I walked slowly to my car. My feet felt like lead. Opening the door I climbed in and cried against my hands. I usually was silent about it but I couldn't help to wail. I turned my car on and backed out of his driveway, and screeched off down the street.

* * *

My head was bursting with pain and my eyes felt too heavy to open. I couldn't move my legs. So much pain I felt. I forced myself to open my eyes and fumbled for my phone in my pocket. I dialed 911 and put it on speaker.

"911 Operator. State the nature of your emergency." I heard the woman say. I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. "Hello? 911, what's your emergency?"

"Head. My head. Car. Crash." I managed to say.

"You were in a car crash, Sir?"

"Yes. Help. Me." I gasped. "Hard to breathe."

"Do you know where you are Sir?" I lolled my head to the side and I could barely see the street names but I had them.

"Columbia and Cherry." I croaked.

"Your name, Sir?"

"Jasper Hale. Hit tree." The light began drifting away.

"I dispatched the police and ambulance to your location. They should be arriving any moment just stay on the phone with me until…"

Her voice faded away from me. I atoned Edward, see I atoned.


	9. Another Contest winner!

**CONTEST WINNER IS Shesadreamer. You won a $25 gift card. Message me with your details!**

**Also, every one, I have a new and better paying position at work and no longer sit at a desk all day :) and computer at home is down and in the shop. When it is up I will proceed with my stories. Sorry all.**

**TwilighterObsessed**


	10. Chapter 7 partial

**Partly up...will finish when can!**

Rosalie pushed me up the drive way of our new home. Wow. How much money did this place cost anyway? I looked up at her and smiled and she giggled in glee. I had missed out on a tri-level house for four months of healing. I wasn't fully healed still but that's what the private physical therapy would be for. I had to start first thing tomorrow.

"Mom had a ramp built for you and she quit work so now she won't be gone all the time like before."

"She didn't have to do that for me. I don't need a damn ramp." I frowned. I hated this wheelchair. We were almost to the wooden fixture when I stopped her. "I can walk."

"She would kill me if I let you fall." She retorted.

I stood up out of the chair angrily and a bit wobbly. I kicked the wheelchair.

"See, I'm fine. I don't need the damn wheelchair. I can walk."

"Jeez, OK, fine. You're a real boy. Now can we go the fuck inside? If she asks I wheeled you into the house." I laughed, always covering her ass.

My back ached a bit from muscle damage but maybe it would go away soon. My leg was hurting too, but I would just have to bear that. I put most of the pressure on my left leg as I took the five steps quickly. I opened the door and stared at the banner hanging from the stairs. Cliché.

"Tell me we aren't having a party too." I genuinely hoped she said no.

"Nope. Sorry to bust your bubble, no one cares about you that much." I rolled my eyes at her and laughed.

"Good, because I was going to kill you first."

"Promises, promises." We turned at the sound of a door shutting. "I think mom's back."

She clapped her hands together. I was unsure of why all the excitement. Swinging the front door open she yelled 'Surprise' but her face quickly fell and she turned to me. I moved to her side to see who it possibly could be and I saw a tall man standing there. He looked to be about my age with bronze hair. My stomach lurched but I was unsure why.

"Jasper," He held a bouquet of flowers in his hand and I stared at them. He must be my sister's ex-boyfriend. I had heard they had eventually broken up but I didn't know it was on such bad terms. She said it was a mutual thing, but the look on her face said other wise. "I didn't know you'd be here…"

"Get out of here." Rosalie said and almost slammed the door in the poor guys face. He looked like a beaten puppy and I didn't want them to end it like this. I held her hand.

"Look you two should make up. The way you talk about him I know you love him Rose." Her face screwed up in disgust and he looked like he was going to vomit. Did I miss something?

"He's not here for me. He's here for you, idiot." I was so confused. Who was he?

"I'm Edward, your boyfriend, I mean, ex-boyfriend." I winced, no way in hell.

"Go away Eddie." Rosalie spat at him.

"I'm not gay." This was not a nice joke to play on some one who lost their memory. Though I was quite unsure if it was or wasn't.

"You don't remember me?" He was incredulous. I stared at him blankly trying to sift through my memories. I didn't see him in any of the few I had.

"No, I don't." I watched him sigh and then he threw the flowers on the floor and left.


	11. Chapter 7 Continued

I walked to the front window and pushed back the curtain. Could it be true that we had been partners? And if so, why couldn't I remember him at all? I sighed, not that I could recall much right now anyway. I continued to watch him slam shut his car door and sit in it, his head against the steering wheel. I stared too long. Enough to know he had been crying. I felt the lurching again.

"Just close the curtain." Rosalie placed her hand on my shoulder. "He'll live."

"Who is he really, Rose? Don't lie to me." She contemplated it and rolled her eyes. She seemed to love doing that quite often.

"He's Edward Cullen. The liar, the cheater, the master manipulator, the "I'm straight- no, I'm bi- no, I'm gay- no, I'm bi" guy. He hurt you Jasper, so badly. He hurt me and his sister, and brother, even his parents. You were right to break up with him."

I took this all in and it wasn't making sense. "So he _was_ my boyfriend?" I said softly, a question but more of a statement.

"Yes. Don't tell Mom I told you, 'kay?" I turned away from her and walked to the couch, flopping down on it.

"How'd Mom pay for all of this? The house is incredible."

I looked around in awe at the inside of it. Chandeliers hung in nearly every part that I could see. We had a great oak bookshelf full of all the stories I enjoyed. No one else was really a reader so I knew that had to be one of my many presents. A grand piano stood in the dining area. I didn't like it. I hated that darn piano for no reason at all once I noticed it there. In my head I heard distant melodies and laughter, but I couldn't get to the voices. I shut my eyes.

"Breathe, Jas!" I gasped some air into my lungs quickly. Some how I had ended up laying down on the sofa. My mother's face came into focus, stricken with panic. I sat up and then sat back, the room beginning to spin.

"What happened?" I breathed slow and deep, willing the room to stand still.

"You passed out." Rosalie interjected. "Remember…transferring from the wheelchair to the couch?"

Her tone was suggestive and I took it.

"Yes, I remember. I got up too quickly."

"Well, don't scare us like that again. We've all been scared enough." Mom's face relaxed.

"Yes ma'am."

"Hungry?" Before I could answer 'not really' she was gone in a flash.

* * *

Restlessly I tossed. I wasn't used to having such a spacious bed or room for that matter. That I knew. I sighed and angrily fluffed my pillow. Something was missing. My phone buzzed on the nightstand and the guy from earlier face popped up. I opened up the message and blinked.

_Coming up._

What's coming up? I jumped, startled, at the sound of my window flying open and the picture turned into the human form as a person climbed through. I sat there dumbfounded at his ragged appearance. A far cry from what he looked like earlier. His 5 o'clock shadow definitely needed tending to.

"Jasper it's me, Edward." He whispered.

"I know that. I lost most of my memory from the past but I still recall the present. I'm not stupid." My sarcasm shocked him.

"I'm sorry…" I felt like I should run and hide from this male who probably was about the same age as I. My legs wouldn't move. Not because they couldn't but because I was semi curious about him. Even if invisible danger signs flashed neon bright around him. He sat down on the edge of my bed. "Can I just…well we… I just want to sleep next to you. Like old times. Give me a little to adjust to you not needing me here when you sleep."

I frowned deeply. Maybe that was part of my restlessness, I probably had overnights with him since we had been boyfriend and well, boyfriend. I wasn't sure why I agree but the words slipped past my lips before I realized. His ear-to-ear grin was dashing as he slipped in beside me. I felt relaxed and comfortable. I frowned even more when he scooted up behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I lay there unmoving. My mind racing. What was I doing? Was it even normal to not shy away from his touch? I didn't know him.

After an hour of listening to his soft breathing I found the courage to sneak away. I sat on the side of my new bed watching him for minutes. He shifted onto his back and I noticed a slight bulge in his pants. I blinked, unsure of what I might be seeing.

I took the time then to study him from head to toe. He had a nice array of bronze hair. It was all over the place, which made him seem innocent. His almost cherubic yet masculine face made me gasp. His cheeks weren't chubby like a cherub though, just flushed. His lips were a nice deep red. He could've been a model.

I continued downward. His shoulders were broad for his body size in a way that was just right. Even though he had a lean frame, it was all corded with muscle. His wife beater fit him snug and his shorts were loose which wasn't doing him any favors on containing his sleep-induced boner. His legs were nice for a guys and his feet complimented them nicely. I winced. I had to be gay to think something like that. Why couldn't I remember him?

I crawled on the bed closer to him. So it's true, curiosity probably did kill the cat. He shifted and just my luck his mouth collided with mine. I know I should've pulled away but I needed to make all my nine lives worth it. On second thought…

I shifted away from him a moment before his mouth found mine again. Crushing my lips in a demanding kiss. His eyes were open now but hazed with lust. I didn't mean to respond but I instantly hardened when he grinded into the front of me and stuck his tongue into my mouth.

I pushed my hands against his chest and he didn't relent. He was like a starved man, hungry for..me? His teeth nibbled on the sensitive part of my neck and I shivered. This was good, what ever it was. He couldn't be bad if he made me feel this nicely. I felt his warm hands pushing my boxers down. I bit my lip. I didn't really know what to do at this moment.

I groaned when his hand wrapped around where I throbbed, lightly stroking the flesh of my head with the pad of his thumb. I wanted to stop this insanity but I couldn't remember ever feeling this way before. I bucked my hips, I needed more friction. I was so close to something, I didn't know what.

First it was his warm, soft fingers around me, then his warm and wet mouth. I didn't even notice him moving down my body. I looked down and it was noticeable where he had bit and sucked me. I whispered his name with out recognizing that I had. Lights danced behind my eyes and my hand slipped into his hair. I cried out and he placed his hand over my mouth.

"_I'm not ashamed …" _I saw him. His hand over my mouth. Then the memory quickly jumped to a video. Then the fall out: the car crash.

"No." I pushed against his head. He continued and I arched my back trying to stop the feelings rolling through me. "_No_!" I said more authoritative and I pushed harder. He looked up and released me from his mouth. Just that tiny friction sent me into a soaring but brief orgasm. It was bittersweet and I cried when I exploded over his face. I couldn't clean up or cover up, all I could do was cry.

"You remember don't you?" I could only nod when he wiped his face with his shirt. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "Shit. You want me to go?" I cried harder. The sad part was that I didn't.

"Why?" I croaked out, it sounded strained.

'I can't even begin to tell you. I was jealous and delusional. That's all I can say. I'm sorry."

"You never loved me did you?" I whimpered when he grabbed my hand.

"I did, I do. Let me show you. Please, let me show you. I came out Jasper. I wanted to share it with you but I couldn't. Every one knows about us, what we had, what we don't have any more. My father knows. I don't fucking care. I just want you."

I tried to remember other things but I came up blank. All I could remember was the things pertaining to him. The pain that he brought with him.

"You want to prove you've changed, Edward? Get out." My eyes squinted at the images of all his manipulations crossing my mind. Despair clouded his eyes and he quickly left the way he came. I was lost as to why he didn't argue with me.

* * *

I paced the room, trying to control my limp. Alice watched me unsure. She was pretty, I just noticed. Like, really pretty. I stirred in my jeans. I was so confused. Maybe I was the bi one. I watched her twiddle her thumbs and for some reason I wondered what her palm felt like. I stopped pacing and ogled the curves of her calf as she bounced one of the legs she had crossed.

I remembered her now. We had sex, lots and lots of it. So I was bi? Funny that was the only thing of her I could remember. But only in scattered bits. Our first night had happened to get back at Edward, but it had been good. I enjoyed it even if I felt guilty.

"What?" She laughed.

"I was just noticing how amazing you look in that dress. And for the life of me, I'm trying to figure out why I want to see you out of it. If I'm gay or what have you, I wouldn't want to." I didn't mean to be so bold but I couldn't help it. That was one plus, I was more outspoken now.

"So you really want to see me out of it?" Her jaw dropped.

"This time, I guarantee you, that I would love to do more than that."

**BWAHAHAHHA say what? What the heck is wrong with my Jasper : ( LOL **


	12. Chapter 8

**Sorry this took so long guys. Cringe. Close to a year, but I had work and no PC screws you. Hope you enjoy. **

A frown sprinted across her face as if she had suddenly remembered something horrible. Her eyes shifted to the side and she ducked her head so she couldn't look at me. I walked to her and turned her face back to me. Her eyes were laden with guilt.

"We can't do that again." She squeaked out from a tight throat.

"And why not?" I took a step back. Why the hell was she turning me down?

"Because you don't like tacos." I blanched. She might be right about that. I didn't. I just wanted to be..normal. I wanted to not love Edward, if that's what it was. I didn't have enough memory back to know for sure. I know I wanted him and _that_ I couldn't mistake.

"What do I do, Alice? I don't remember who I am, who I was. How the hell am I going to stay away from him if I can't figure out me?"

"First off, stop coming here." I laughed. "Second, in time, your memory will come complete one day and you will know what's meant to be. And third, if you..want..to keep seeing my brother..then..take it slow. Like that movie about that chick who lost her memory and her man took her on all those dates. You guys never really went on dates, you just started sleeping with each other. Inseparable sex partners."

I took in her advice. Dates, huh?

* * *

"You can't be fucking serious." I stood in front of a mirror in what I call church clothes. Rosalie fussed over my hair and snorted at the displeasured look on my face.

"You look nice, Jas." She countered.

"I look gay!"

"You _are_ gay." She placed her hands on her hips.

"I suppose, but I don't want to look like I'm going out to play tennis." I winced at the light pink choir shirt. "I look like I should be out mowing my lawn at 10 AM with all my neighbors in a creepy rich neighborhood."

"We are in a creepy rich neighborhood." She continued, fixing my hair.

"Heh, good point."

"I'm so glad your going out. It's been so long little brother. I'm just glad for you!"

Very rarely did Rose EVER say a kind word so I took it. She also hugged me. She wouldn't have been so ecstatic if she knew with exactly whom I was going with. So far she thought it was a guy from Physical Therapy named Thomas.

I grabbed my jacket and rushed out to my car. I sighed at my still very noticeable limp. That would take getting used to. I could just imagine all the names I would be called because people thought it funny. Gimpy. Limpy. Forrest Gump. I could not wait until I got the brace off this leg.

Edward opened the door for me as we entered the restaurant. I smiled at him in thanks. He was trying to hide his glee but it was recognizable by him turning into a gentleman.

"Welcome. Name, Sir?" The Host greeted us warmly.

"Edward Cullen. Party of two." Edward winked at me.

The Host glanced at us both in shock when he noticed this was a date. I took his arm from around my waist and smiled sheepishly. I watched the guy grab two menus, and motion for us to follow him. We walked past many tables and into the back of the restaurant.

"Is this to your liking?" The Host quipped almost snooty.

"Of course it is." I looked worried at Edward who was trying to feign indifference. Walk away man, I thought, he's going to kill you. Still Mr. Handsome stood smiling even though it was painted on. He motioned for me to sit in the booth and he scooted in across from me. Our menus were nearly thrown at us before the guy walked away.

Good. He will live another day. I watched him leave, boring a hole in his back from anger. This explains why Edward didn't want to be gay. I get it. I probably got it before too, but some things were still sketchy. Stupid brain.

"Sorry about him, if I had known I would have chosen a better establishment." I shrugged. I had dealt with a lot of this at my old school. That I did remember. Some one had to always be ashamed of my choice in life. Even if it wasn't me.

"Do you think it would ever get easier to be a couple?" The words were out my mouth before I could stuff them back in. His head sprung up from the over priced menu. My face flushed. Shit.

"Is that something you want to be?" His eyes lit up with hope.

"No." I was being honest with myself for once. I did not want to be with Edward. I wanted to be comfortable and sexual with him, possibly, but never again in a relationship. If I did that again then he would win and get everything he wanted. Not that we were having a contest, but one thing I did remember from the old me, never let Edward get the upper hand.

"Nice to know." His scowl told all as he stared down again at the menu.

A few moments passed before an overly friendly waitress arrived and asked us what we would like to drink. Edward ordered wine, and tipped the lady extra for not checking our I.D.'s. Then again he was Edward fucking Cullen. Who would ever dare check his I.D.? His father owned this town, and not many would dare try to cross Carlisle or his family. Well, except one piss ant little Seater.

Our glasses were filled immediately and Edward ordered his meal. I shivered at the word Escargot. How about Escar-no. I had stepped on one of those things in the parking lot. I cringed. I hope that wasn't where they got them from, or maybe I had killed the one snail rushing away to freedom. I laughed. Should have went faster.

Edward's eyebrow raised at my sudden jovial nature, it was infectious and he smiled slightly. I ordered my usual; Fettuccini Alfredo with shrimp. Well, I think it was my usual. It would go great with the wine he ordered us.

While we waited for our meal we talked about nothing really. School. Home. My leg. I don't know how we got on that topic but I quickly changed it to asking him if he was going to college and which one. He ignored my question and entered into another with out the spot light on him.

"You should go into modeling, Jas." He was so serious that I laughed.

"Too scarred up for that. Scarring sort of prohibits that. Also.." I was about to say something about my leg but cut short. I rubbed it absentmindedly.

"That'll heal." He had read my mind. I looked down at the table in silence.

"Ok, here we go." I jumped startled when the woman spoke. I was so in my head I hadn't heard her coming. Her heals thudded softly on the carpet as she moved, placing our plates down. "Can I do anything else for you?"

"We are good for now. Thank you." I watched her nod at us and she walked away. Edward's eyes darted down to her bottom and then shifted away. He did his usual lopsided grin at me before digging into his food. I didn't notice a few minutes passing as I stared him down.

"Aren't you going to eat? The foods incredible." He totally bypassed the fact that he was checking out that chicks ass. Gay? Yea, right.

"I lost my appetite. And besides aren't you full? As much as you stared at her you should be."

"An eye full?" He snickered. "I wasn't staring. Thinking. About your ass to be exact. It was a test. Sorry."

"A test?" I looked at him dumbfounded.

"I'm definitely a homo now." I don't know why but that chilled me out a bit and we both laughed. Well, at least I would never be bored with him.

After dinner we shared a dessert. It was chocolatey deliciousness. I closed my eyes as I chewed on the last bite. Heaven. I felt a pair of lips on me and I popped my eyes open in surprise. Edward had leaned over the table to kiss me. My mouth parted slightly and he ran his tongue along the lining of them. I pulled away then.

"Sorry. I had no right." He sat down, a little disturbed by my reaction.

"Oh, it's fine." I lied. It wasn't fine, because that kiss had me wanting more.

"Check please." Edward called out to the waitress.

We left the restaurant shortly after. Edward held the car door open for me. I was unsure if I had ever let him or if he had even wanted to do it for me before. He started the car with his thumbprint after sliding in his own seat. I finally took the time to look him over. He sat with his hands on the steering wheel in a gray tailored suit. It fit him nicely. He looked absolutely handsome.

A minute or two passed and we both hadn't said a word or even headed for home. The car powered down. Ingenious. I smirked. Edward was thinking, and hard at that. It was as if all time had stood still for him.

"Edward?" I whispered and he snapped out of it.

"Sorry." He gave me a worried look. "I was just lost in thought."

"That's pretty obvious."

"I just…you didn't like my kiss."

"You're wrong. I did."

I barely finished the statement and he lifted the arm rest up and pulled me to him. My eyes widened and I felt the electricity spark between us. His hand gripped my chin and he kissed me. My eyes closed of their own accord, my lips moved against his. He was making me breathless. Slowly he sucked and licked and probed with his tongue and then it turned urgent. Wanton. Like he needed me. He pressed me into him. His hand was on my buckle stealthily releasing it. I groaned as his hand slipped into my pants. I barely noticed him getting something from the glove compartment.

My mind was screaming for me to stop but I couldn't. I was lost to him in this moment. He some how, with his free hand, unbuttoned my shirt with out me noticing and pushed my undershirt up, exposing my nipples. The pad of his thumb brushed over one lightly. The jolt went straight into my groin. I felt my seat sliding back and then laying down. Before I knew it Edward was on top of me. I felt helpless, but not in a bad way. I was enjoying this way too much.

"Ohhh…" I quivered and raised my hips, pushing fuller into his palm as he stroked me.

Edward's kisses ran down my neck and to that nipple. He bit it and pulled away, releasing it. My eyes sought him out in my euphoria haze. He was hovered above me, still pleasuring me with his hand and pulling my pants and underwear off my body. I had a slight reprieve when he had to lift up a little more to slide his own down. I felt him begin to probe me where I ached to have him so badly. I could feel a slightly sticky substance I deduced as lubrication on the head of him as he stretched me and I arched my back. More, more, more. I mouthed the words but no sound came out. Stop. Stop.

He was barely inside me by then but he inched even deeper. I whimpered and bucked against him. He took that as a sign that I was enjoying it, in reality I was having second thoughts. This whole date thing meant that we were going to stay the sex part a while. But instead we hopped right into it. He was fully in me now and it was getting harder to think with each thrust. My body was betraying me as it usually did. Well, I think any way.

Edward moaned over me, I turned to glare at him. Stop. I mouthed the words. He wasn't looking at me. His face appeared so angelic above me and it felt just as good but I couldn't do this. I gained some courage and pushed him up.

"Stop." It was a little weak but he heard me nonetheless.

"Fuck." Edward's voice shook and his forehead slightly held on mine. His movements had ceased and he was heavily gasping for air. "Just..please. I've waited so long for this Jasper." He leaned in for another kiss and I turned my face away from him. "Fine."

I couldn't help but clench around him a few times when he pulled his freakishly long cock out of me. There goes my body betrayal once more. Promising what my mouth wouldn't. I sat up, trying to fix my pants. My hard on was getting in the way so I thought about Alice and it went down right away. I some what felt bad for having to use her as a turn off point but I needed something.

I watched him start up the car again and he sped out of the parking lot. I cringed and clicked in my seatbelt. He weaved crazily in and out of traffic. I started getting flashes of the night of my accident. I was driving so recklessly just like this. I didn't have a sports car like Edward did, yet I did so much damage. I started to hyperventilate.

"L-Let me out! Stop the car. Let me out!" I started to wheeze. I knew what was coming. I couldn't let him see me like this. The old me I had hid and hid well. This Jasper was still trying to grasp on life as it is. Edward became panicked a bit when he saw how jumpy and wild eyed I was. He pulled over but before he could even stop the car I was out of it.

"Jasper what the hell is wrong with you?"

He called after me but I was already in that place I remembered hating so much. I spent years with psychologists trying to stop myself from going here. I paced up and down a short expanse of street like a mad man until that catatonic state captured me once more.

* * *

"What the hell have you done to him? Can't you just leave him alone?" I heard my mother's voice far off in the distance.

"Good job Edward." Rosalie's hate filled sarcastic voice chimed in too.

"I was bringing him home and he did this. You knew we were going on a date. Jasper told me he told you!"

The fog was drifting away too slowly. This couldn't be going down now.

"Hell no. Edward if I knew you were the fuck he was going out with I would have crippled him even more before he left out that damn door. He was doing so much better with out you."

"Rosalie hush your mouth. Don't say things like that." I could feel tears trying to push out from under my heavy lids.

"You're such a bitch you know that Rosalie? Emmett is better with out you, since you want to throw stones. Ice queens never put out, but he doesn't have to worry about that now."

I heard a slap and I was unsure who had dealt it. My eyes opened to the hazed room. My head lolled to the side enough to see Edward rubbing his cheek and my mother between the two of them. Rose was fuming. Her breathing labored.

Stop. My mouth was dry and my throat constricted.

"He started it mom. Get your faggot ass out of here." The last part obviously aimed at Edward.

"We don't use that word Rosalie. Your brother is gay too."

"So? Jasper's a nice and kind gay guy. Edward is a stick it then dip it kind of guy. Hit it then quit it, then fuck it up so it tries to kill himself kind of guy!"

Edward took in a shaken breath. "I never meant for that to happen. I love him damn it. Stop acting like I have no feelings or I don't care. I do. I always will."

"Just go, Edward. Please." My mother pleaded with him, taking a hold of his arm.

"Ha. You care about him? No, you just use him. Everything is calculated with you Edward. Mess him up, then pay for everything like it's nothing for you. Money… can't… fix this, it won't fix him. He's battered and broken and lonely and I have had to sit here for many days and put him back together because you weren't there." He opened his mouth but closed it. Her tears came fluently and my heart broke. She never cried in front of any one. "I don't care why you couldn't be, it's just the fact that you had a great guy, my brother is fantastic and you're not. Go fuck Bella and stop mind-fucking my brother."

"You two, stop. That's enough." My mother tried to keep the peace.

"First of all me and Bella are just friends. SECOND, I didn't give that money to control Jasper. All I wanted to do was help."

I whimpered. I just realized what they were saying. All eyes turned to me as I grew louder.


	13. Chapter 9

Edward was the reason for all of this. I had never really questioned hard enough about the money. I just assumed my mother had a good job. I cringed. Instead she was bought out by him of all people. I whimpered louder. I hated myself. The walls were closing in on me again.

"Jasper..Shit, Jasper, talk to me."

I looked around, how did I get in his arms?

"No, put him down!" I shifted some what as he dodged some blows. I wrapped my arms around his body and hid my face into his shirt subconsciously and cried into it.

"Just let him take him Rose." My mom snapped at her.

"But-" Her reply was lost to me as Edward took the stairs a few at a time.

My hands were shaking against him and I felt it again. I was going away. I tried to stay, to fight the feeling but I couldn't. It was peaceful now in my place. No one could ever penetrate it.

"Jasper." I blinked. "Jasper please. Don't do this to me again."

Blink. Blink. I felt something warm drop on me. I looked up just as he lay me on the bed. He was crying. Not the usual crying out of anguish or wanting things his way, but he was shaking on the bed next to me out of hurt and guilt. He wiped the wet streaks away with the back of his hand and I touched his cheek.

"Don't cry Edward."

My voice sounded distant to my own ears so I could imagine what he would think about it. I held my arms out to him, even though against my will. He needed me as much as I needed him right now. It was innocent and I just wanted to be held. He slipped in beside me on the bed and pulled me tightly to his chest. With out another word, I closed my eyes.

* * *

"Unmph…" I stirred against the noise. "Jasper…" I looked up and watched his emotion-filled face.

"Yes?" My voice croaked before I cleared it.

"Can you please move your hand?"

I stared down almost horrified when I realized where it was and what I had been doing. His warm skin throbbed against my palm. I released him from it and he shuddered at the friction. I stirred in my jeans. I had failed miserably at keeping our sexual distance. Even in my sleep. My forehead creased into a frown. Maybe this wouldn't work.

"Kiss me." I said before I lost my nerve.

"Hell no." His voice echoed in the room. I scooted closer.

"Kiss me." Edward's eyes had a surprised look to them when he could see that I was serious. No I was not delusional or crazy or anything else he might be thinking. I wouldn't turn into that Jasper again if things happened on _my_ terms.

His chest rose and fell quickly with a slight nervousness I couldn't understand. I tilted my head closer up towards his lips. They tentatively connected with my own. His closed mouth kiss was unlike him, even when he deepened it. My mouth opened slightly under his and my tongue darted across them beckoning him to part them for me. Slowly, he gave me what I desired and I eagerly plundered his mouth with my tongue. His slight resistance melted away as he wrapped me into his arms. I twirled my tongue with his, and he smothered a groan. I could tell he was trying to reign himself in but I wasn't going to let him. I sucked his top lip into my mouth and nibbled it slightly until I could feel Edward's penis straining against me.

I shifted my hips to give him more friction. It was almost like a slow grind; circling, lifting, thrusting, circling, shifting, rubbing. It was driving him mad. His hand had snaked down to massage himself but I quickly took it away and pinned it to the bed. His grip was strong.

I pulled away from the kiss, only to continue downward. His shaky breath released in pants while his hips shifted eagerly at the loss off my contact as I hovered over his body. I released myself from my shirt. I pushed his up and off of him with some of his help. Tilting his head slightly, I attacked one of his most sensitive points.

"Shit." Edward whined almost oddly. I nibbled, licked, and sucked the sensitive skin under his chin. I teased him over and over, changing pace when he least expected it, adding more teeth or decreasing or increasing the pressure until I knew he could burst. His hand was almost shaking in mine by the time I was through.

I continued down to his nipples where I did the same. Then lower still to tease his belly button. I left a trail of bite marks down him as I continued. He lifted himself enough to push his pants and boxers away from him, and I pulled them off to throw on the floor. I did my own.

With out missing a beat, I was back to skin on skin contact. His intent eyes never closed, as if when he did I would disappear. I smiled at him when I wrapped him in my hand and flicked out my tongue.

"Uhh." Edward's body arched violently when my tongue glided over him. A dribble of pre-cum appeared on him and I continued to stare at him, taking in everything since it was almost new to me. I swirled my tongue around him in different circles and angles and that was the first time I saw his eyes close. I continued to lavish his cock head with more strokes until his hands fisted my bed sheets.

I half encased him in my mouth now and the other part in my hand. I dual pumped him with both of my body parts. I didn't really want to know where I had gotten all of this expertise or when, all I cared about is now. I wanted a clean slate with Edward. I was fucked up and so was he. I didn't want to hurt any more. His hips rolled up, pushing himself further in my mouth in a silent plea.

His pants became familiar to me, and I noticed a change in them. He was getting there. I slowed down, but his whimpered response and hand now in my hair, tried to dissuade me. I wasn't going to give him what he wanted and with a loud pop I released him from my mouth. I very gently stroked him with the tips of my fingers. I had other ideas and I couldn't wait or I would be done for soon too.

Watching Edward near the throws of an orgasm was a beautiful thing. His bronze-ish hair illuminated his features perfectly. His creamy skin was flushed with a hint of pink. The desire in his eyes clouding the green of them while they begged for my continuance. His kissable red lips swollen from my intense assault on them. I smirked when I noticed his neck covered in hickeys already and my teeth marks.

Edward's strangled gasp brought me back from my admiration. His hand clenched around my now monstrous and throbbing erection. I had to take him, and fast. I didn't know that looking him over would bring this many feelings or desires to the forefront but I knew another stroke of his hand and I would cum. I shivered before forcing his hand off me. He had lifted his head to watch himself massage me but as soon as I made it stop he let his head plop back down to the bed. With a frustrated growl, he clamped his eyes shut. It was fun teasing him.

"My pace. My rules." I stated. His eyes opened to a slit and he nodded, absolutely speechless. I looked around my room. Crap. Nothing. I slid off the bed and bounded softly into my bathroom and returned with a small jar. Edward's eyebrow quirked. "Vaseline. For you." He tried to take the jar out of my hand. "No. I mean _for you_." His eyes widened.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Hush. Don't ruin the moment."

Pushing open his legs I dipped my fingers in the jar and spread the goop along his rectum and cheeks. Edward blushed. He wasn't used to letting me have this control and undoubtedly he was remembering the last time we had done this. His eyes became watery and I felt unsettled at this sensitive side. Quickly I slid a finger inside him. The air hissed between his teeth. His ring of muscles clung to my finger and I watched his eyes roll to the back of his head. Slowly I moved it inside him, then pushed another in, widening him.

Pretty soon he was ready for me. After removing my fingers I pressed into his tight hole. I pushed further, it was like my home. Edward's hand flew to my chest, his labored breath from pain this time. I slid out of him slowly and then back in until his balled fist relaxed until flat against my chest. His shaky breathing turned into full out moaning within a matter of seconds and I shushed him with my mouth.

I wanted no interference right now. My thrusts became stronger and more rhythmic and I pulled his legs up to my shoulders for better penetration. Edward was bucking under me wildly, and I didn't understand why. The look on his face was close to nirvana and he jerked upward. His lips roughly pressing into mine. His hands gripping roughly in my hair, shaking. I lifted up a bit to question him.

"Shhhhiiit. Feels so…good…I think you're hitting…mmmm…mmmm…my prostate."

With out anything else said Edward nearly screamed under me as jets and jets of his jizz spurted from him. I panicked and fitted my hand over his mouth. I could make out my name even though it was mumbled. I shushed him again as I strained against his body, slamming as hard and as quickly as possible. I knew it was ending and I bit my lip as my orgasm raged. My moans were low and I felt my warm juice violently shoot inside of him.

I collapsed onto him slightly before pushing off to lay on my back. Sweat sheeted my body. After I calmed myself I rolled over to Edward and kissed his shoulder. His face was away from me, and I figured he must be sleeping. I was about to close my eyes and try to as well, when I noticed the shivering of his body. I tried to brush his cheek but he flicked it off. I frowned. What the hell was his problem now?

He shifted and awkwardly removed his body from my bed, snatching his pants on carefully. He winced. Shit. Had I been too rough? I watched in agonized silence when he slipped on his shoes and snatched his shirt up off the floor to clean himself off. It wasn't until he gripped the door knob before I said anything.

"Hey?" It came out a little rougher than I meant it to and his solemn face turned towards me.

"It's ok Jasper. I get it." His voice cracked and I cursed when I saw the tears in his eyes and before I could slip on my own clothes I heard his car peeling out of the drive way.

* * *

**6:30 AM- **_Hey Edward, it's Jasper. Text me back._

**7:18 AM**_- Please answer me, are you OK?_

**7:23 AM**_- You're scaring me, what the hell did I do wrong?_

**9:37 AM**_- Fine, fuck you. Don't talk to me ever again._

**3:05 PM**_- Ugh! I didn't mean it. Why won't you talk to me?_

**4:06 PM**_- Edward?_

**5:58 PM**_- Edward, don't hurt me this way…_

**6:30 PM**_- It's been 12 hours of texting. Edward?_

**8:44 PM**_- Fine…going to bed._

I lay in bed not able to sleep. I sighed replaying the night over and over. I thought that making love to him would be a good thing. I cringed. I felt dirty instead. Maybe he wasn't used to giving up control. From the little that I did recall he thrived on having things his own way. No, the tears…he wouldn't cry over that.

Beep! Beep!

I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the nightstand. It was a little past midnight. My heart raced as I looked at the New Message flashing on my screen. I tapped the screen and saw Edward's number pop up. I didn't realize I had stopped breathing until the air rushed out of me.

_Hey Jas, Edward's in trouble. Police station. Now! - Alice 3_

Shit.

* * *

Alice gave me the rundown on what happened and shock splashed across my face. Why didn't she just take him home? Then I quickly realized why. He was slurring his words and she couldn't hold him up. I nodded at Chief Swan and Bella as I placed him in the passenger side of my car. I cringed at Bella's obvious mental struggle at the sight of me touching him.

I thanked him for not pressing charges against Edward and he said something unintelligle. Hopping into the driver side, I turned the key in the ignition and started pulling out of the police station parking lot. I stopped by Alice's car just to ask her where she wanted me to take him. She told me he had an apartment a few minutes away. Nodding to her too, I resumed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I bellowed at the semi-conscious form slumped next me. "You nearly creamed Bella with your car. What kind of person drives drunk?"

"Me." He slurred and shifted his body towards the window.

"What have you done with your brain, Edward? You're so different. I don't understand what I do to keep getting this bad side of you."

"Let me out." He tried to open the door and before I realized, it was ajar. I slammed my foot on the brake.

I grabbed his arm. "Shut that god damn door right now! I'm sick of the side of the road drama. Lets just go in your apartment. We're almost there. One fucking minute." He didn't say anything else but I got it my way.

My mind was reeling. The same shit. Is this the same shit as always? I was so frustrated. I don't think I have ever cursed so much inwardly and outwardly in my entire life. Nothing was ever good enough. No matter what. I just wanted it to be good. I pulled into a parking spot and got out of the car, slamming the door. Opening his I yanked him out and threw his arm over my shoulder. Gripping his waist I hoisted him up out of the car and kicked the door shut.

"Keys?" I leaned him against the door of his apartment.

"Pocket." I checked his front pockets and sighed in frustration. Empty. I reached around to his back pocket. Ah ha.

"Do you really need all these damn keys?" He shrugged and swayed against the door. After trying several, I finally found a match and let us in. I deposited him on the couch in a non-gentle manner. Flipping on a light, I stood in front of him. His apartment was clean at least but I had never known Edward to be a slob.

"Turn it off." He moaned in agony and covered his eyes with his hand.

"No. You can suffer for being so stupid." I huffed bitterly.

"I know I'm stupid. I thought we could work." My fist balled up and I wanted to strike him in the mouth but I realized I was behaving a little irrationally. Instead, I chose to flip his hand off his face. His steely gaze caught me off guard.

"Why do you like saying hurtful things to me?"

"You know why. You aren't innocent, Jasper. You sure as hell knew everything, EVERY LITTLE THING to do to make me feel just like I made you."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I walked into his kitchen and grabbed him a bottle of water.

"You covered my mouth… You took me… I mean yeah fine, it was good…but don't hurt me. I'm not all strong like you think. I've had enough. I was wrong.." Just in those few seconds he was sleep again, slumped haphazardly on the couch. Sighing, I maneuvered him in a lying position and slipped off his shoes. I quickly found his bedroom and grabbed a pillow and his blanket. I stopped dead in my tracks. Next to his bed was a picture of us.


	14. Chapter 10

I snatched it up and stared closely. We had just met in this picture. My arm was over his shoulder and his in return on mine with the most stupid of grins splashed on our faces. I smirked. Edward was looking as handsome as ever in it in his crisp blue shirt and black slacks. I on the other hand just had on a simple white tee with a leather jacket slapped over it and ripped jeans. Edward had given me the jacket, he hadn't even worn it yet. I had wanted one so badly but we just couldn't afford it.

I slammed the picture back down on the dresser. How could I remember stupid things like that but not remember much of anything else? My mind was starting to piss me off. I probably looked a mess to Edward. Happy one minute, freaking out the next, going catatonic. There were so many things I hadn't told him about me. Things I chose to hide.

My severe PTSD being one of them. My parents were volatile, much like Edward and I. My dad ran off with out much of a word to any of us. In a way I was glad because he was never particularly nice to me. Later on after years of searching we found him, married with other children. He died shortly after that. Then my step-dad came into the picture. After a while, he started cheating on my mother for years and when she would catch him, he'd beat her. I cringed, and Rosalie. That's when she became a party girl until he died by Heroin overdose and we tried to forget that side of our lives too.

But right before his death, he started coming after me. After that, I took a worse route. I became a loner, a cutter, crazy. I had begun having many psychotic breaks, and I couldn't understand it. Abuse obviously being a major trigger. Losing my virginity with a guy being one of the times I was abused by some one. Well, I take that back, correction, physically abused any way. I wasn't man enough to save my mom or Rosalie, and I damn sure was a pussy for myself. In a sick way I enjoyed the torture. Just desserts for not saving them.

Timothy had seemed like a nice guy when I met him. I should have waited a bit, then Edward would have been my first. Technically, it wasn't a choice.. I neither said yes or no. I couldn't claim rape like Rosalie but it very nearly had some of the same out comes. I felt low and sickening. My self-esteem suffered along with my social life. Rosalie and I sort of circled the same crowd for a little bit. We met the same drunks, the same assholes, the same abusers. I remembered it all clearly as if it were yesterday.

"_Hey, you." I turned to see a blonde haired, hazel- eyed male with a face of an angel, body of a God, and smile like the devil. I assessed him. He was clean cut, pretty boyish, but not too much. He had a rugged air to him. He held his hand out to me. "Timothy Ross from Seattle. Welcome to my house."_

"_Oh, hey." I shook it. "Jasper Hale of Forks." I chuckled at our formalities._

"_What brings you?" I nodded over to my sister who was all over a guy on the basement's dance floor. "Ahh. Too bad."_

"_She's my sister. Twin sister." I laughed. _

"_Ha. Sorry."_

_After talking most of the night I started feeling sensations for him that I didn't even know were possible. I knew I was in love with Ed but he wasn't moving fast enough for me and he was seeing other people. It wasn't like we officially started dating out in the open or anything and I wanted to be wanted. _

"_Um, so, any place we can go for…privacy?" I smiled at him._

_With out another word, Timothy he quickly grabbed my arm and started walking me up the stairs to a different part of the house. I followed silently . He walked me to the back of the house, and into a room. It wasn't until I was locked in there with him, and I watched him taking off his clothes, that I realized what was about to happen. I backed up. I was a little afraid because I had never had sex before. But also lustful to know that what I suspected was under his nicely fitted clothing was true._

_He started undressing me fast. Uncomfortable or not, I didn't fight. I became hard, despite the awkwardness of the situation. His hand brushed over my turgid member and I whimpered. Yes, whimpered. He chuckled at me. This man was no way a virgin like me. As soon as I was nude, I was thrown onto the bed._

_I blushed. I didn't know what to do. I knew how to make out of course, so as soon as he crawled up the bed and hovered over me, I strained up to take his lips. He growled low and crushed his mouth into mine. It was like he was attacking my lips. It made me high and breathless. He was shifting back and forth creating an unbearable sensation for me. I shivered against his body. _

"_You like that?" He panted, breaking our kiss. I nodded my approval. "Just wait."_

_He nibbled my lip and then went down my body, when he reached my straining hard on he gave it a flick. I groaned in pleasurable agony as he continued lower, past my scrotum to the ring of muscles that throbbed for him to enter. He spread my cheeks and flicked his tongue across me. The sensation caught me off guard, sending drops of precum to form on the tip of my nearly purple penis head. I panted for more. In turn, he pushed my legs open further, and with his fingers separated my cheeks once more. This time he plunged his wet silky probe inside of me. _

_A jolt rushed through me and I arched on the bed. I knew I had just met him but there was something about him that made me want him. I groaned when the pleasantness was gone. I wiggled my hips eager for more, instead he appeared over me again. I tried to take my hand and slide it between us to touch him , but he pinned them above my head. His mouth came down on my neck at almost the same time, sucking and licking me in my most sensitive of places._

"_No hickies" I begged him. He chuckled and proceeded on giving me one. I whimpered against what he was doing but enticed by the fact he wanted to brand me. He took both my wrists in one of his large hands and with his other hand skimmed down the side of my body. Quickly he widened his thighs which in turn did the same to mine._

_I sucked in air at his fingers intrusion into my warm, tight cavern. I wasn't ready so I went rigid. Tears formed in my eyes, but I snapped them shut when he began to force them in deeper. I bit my lip to keep from crying out against the pain. I felt like I was ripping apart and that was just his fingers. A chill went through me. Could I take his penis?_

"_You like that don't you Jasper?" I couldn't say anything but my eyes popped open. His third finger slid into me and blood crested on my lip._

"_It hurts…really…badly." I murmured under my breath, trying not to ruin the moment. Just then he pushed his fingers more in. "Shit!"_

"_Don't fucking complain." Timothy snarled, oddly causing a rush of lust to travel from my penis to my abdomen, sending waves of good feelings despite his roughness._

"_I'm not I just-" My words froze in my throat when his fingers slipped out and was replaced by his member. A terrible burning pulsed through me and I began to cry. I hadn't expected it to be so fast, so unfeeling. I had wanted it to be Edward. I couldn't take it back now and my virginity was lost forever. I all but screamed in pain when he began taking me hard and fast._

"_Shut up." He moaned. "Stop acting like you're a fucking virgin. You're ruining my high." He released my hands after getting what he wanted, and pushed into me harder than the last time._

_I gasped for air. "Hurts..please..slower..please." I managed out but the only response I received was a hard slap to my face._

I cringed, kicking off my shoes. It wasn't something I really wanted to recall. I couldn't deny though that part of taking what Edward dished out was due to my past. I wasn't exactly insecure but I wasn't very secure either. I was solidly in-between. I yawned, my body starting to shut down from onslaught of memories. I was tired and discouraged at how my life was going at the moment. I slid into Edward's comfy bed and drifted off to sleep.

"Get out of my bed, Jasper." A rough voice grumbled. I groaned and turned my head the other way. A hand wrapped around one of my wrists tugging on my arm. I cursed at who ever it was and rolled over, fighting to regain my firm hold on sleep. I heard the other person growl in annoyance, but I quickly felt the shift of the bed as they moved onto it.

**OK so yea short chappy but well guess ur just gona have to deal with it : ) sorry tho and hit that review button because I'm getting writers block and just opening it up to requests now maybe. How would u like to see this turn out? Most will say HEA but u know it always comes with a price. Bwahaha lol.**


	15. Chapter 11

_**For some reason Adele's Set fire to the Rain and I Won't Go comes to mind during this chapter. I love Adele. Now on with the show….**_

I woke up later that day, to an arm around my waist and a boner pressed into my ass. Stupid drunk. I tried to disentangle my body from his but every time I tried he would pull me closer. I wiggled my hips absentmindedly against him. I tried to tell myself that it was just to try and disengage but I knew better than that. My hard on did too.

I stifled a groan when his hips bucked into me. His lips planted little kisses on the back of my neck. A whimper escaped me and his hands stilled underneath my shirt immediately. I was shoved an inch forward from him pushing backward, away from me. Realization sunk in that he must have still been asleep before. I sighed as I turned to face him.

His cheeks were flushed in anger and he was panting as if he had ran a mile.

"Don't touch me again." He growled out.

I rolled my eyes. "You were touching me, Edward." His silence was deafening. I sighed once more and with bleak eyes began to move off the bed.

"Wait." His hand snaked out and caught my wrist. I flinched, expecting the worst. "When did I make you scared of me?"

"You're really asking me that question?" I tugged away until he let me go.

"We need to talk Jasper. I'm tired of doing this shit. Can't we be adults about it? Sit down and talk over a cup of coffee or something?" I stared blankly at him.

"If this is one of your schemes so help me Edward I'm going to knock out your two front teeth."

"My head hurts too bad for that. I'm just tired of this stuff that we've got between us. Please. Just…just talk." He sat up on the bed and I moved closer to the edge, cautiously.

"Fine." I chewed on my lip before speaking. "Air it all out right?" I watched him nod.

"Until there is nothing left to say." His emerald eyes stared me down.

"Why did you not tell me about Bella?" My hand clenched at her name.

"Would it make a difference if I had? I don't know. Denial. Jas, I didn't want to .. to love you like I did. So I slept with her, and my step-mother, and.." His eyes dropped from my face. "Rosalie."

My eyes widened in horror. "R-rose?"

"Yeah." Was his singular reply.

"That is fucking disgusting." I snapped. Inwardly my heart clenched. I tried not to react too roughly because I knew deep in my head I knew this already.

"Yeah." Again with the one word reply.

"Do you love me? Not as friends, but like you and Bella?" I hated saying that bitches name.

"I love you more than I loved Bella. Honestly I don't think I really did love her. I didn't want her to kill our child though." Tears brimmed his bloodshot eyes. This better not be a joke.

"Is that all of the girls? Or boys?"

"Yes, that's all."

"Hmm." I frowned. I hadn't counted on him saying that. Well, it doesn't matter. We aren't a couple and three people wasn't necessarily bad, it was just who they were that hurt. I timidly sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm not lying. I almost slept with some one at boarding school. I'm glad I didn't. I couldn't." I snorted in disbelief. "I realized then that I had to change my ways if I ever were to get you back. I can't be with out you, Jasper. I practically came out to my Bible 12 class. I came out at Forks High too. I have to stop pretending I'm ladies man Cullen and realize I'm a one man's show."

"Hard to believe." He shrugged.

"It's the truth." I nodded unsure. "You don't have to trust me right now. I will show you that I am better and what I went through will make me better. I had a hard life, you know about Carlisle and my mom. How shit it was. I couldn't grow up normal. I was so messed in the head from the get go. Carlisle would beat my ass all the time after she passed. I think he really loved Esme but wouldn't show it. I think he and I are so close in how we act, that we hate each other. I loved you but I manipulated you and pushed you away. The same. I get so angry I can't control myself. The same. I sleep around like a whore. The same. I get people pregnant with out figuring out the consequences. Again, the same. I'm just like that bastard, Jasper.

I'm tired of it. I guess it's true, you really do become the thing that you hate the most." I took it all in scarcely breathing. "I tried to get back with Bella the night I went to jail." He let out a shaky breath when my eyes blazed furiously. "Look, before you say anything, just hear me out. I thought you were giving me a dose of my own medicine, and Bella wouldn't turn me away. I didn't intentionally go looking for her when I was drunk, it just…happened. It was like I was being taunted. I saw her around the bar, I guess she's working there now, we talked and I got smashed. She told me she still loved me and how sorry she was about the…our baby…I told her it was fine. Next thing I know I'm shirtless, in my car, with her all over me. I must have blacked out because I don't remember much of how we got there.

Inexcusable. I'm not going to make excuses and say 'I was drunk Jasper. I didn't know what I was doing' because that would be a bold faced lie. I wanted to fuck her. I wanted life to be like it was. Her being my eye candy and you being my dirty, little secret. I was hurt because I thought you were finally able to give me my dose and I had no fight back. I don't think I'm worth much, so I fought you with the only thing I could, my dick." Edward smirked as if laughing at an inside joke. I eyed him curiously. "Sad part was, I couldn't even get it up. Her smell, her beauty, her lips, everything that beckoned me before, made me want to vomit. That's when I knew, you were going to be it for me."

I laughed then, a cynical laugh. This sounded so rehearsed. "Good one."

"Do I look like I'm fucking kidding? I have nothing left Jasper. Nothing but you." His eyes were even more red-rimmed. I was unsure if it was because he felt like crying or from being drunk. "I gave you my whole inheritance in my savings. I only had maybe about ten thousand at the most in my checking. I'm looking for work but my dad is blocking everything I try to do. He has so much fucking pull in this town, not just in little itty bitty Forks."

My phone rang, startling me. Digging it from my pocket, I flipped it open. I gave him an eye apology before putting it up to my ear. "Uh hey Rose."

"_Jasper come home, mom is worried sick about you! Where are you?" _Her voice was angry but concerned.

"Edward had some problems and Alice called. So I-"

"_How stupid are you Jasper? He's hurt you! Over and over again and still you continue to be his fuck puppet? Fuck that. You're his puppet period."_

"Wait a fucking minute. Don't preach to me you fucking bitch. You fucked around on Emmett with all those guys. Don't be a hypocrite." She began to cuss me out but I flipped it closed. Sighing heavily, I turned it on silent and pushed it back into my pocket.

Edward stared at me dumbfounded. "Who the hell are you?"

"Continue." I said blankly and he recovered.

"Um, well, damn that was hot." My lip curled up into a smirk. "Now to finish up about Bella, just because I wouldn't let her blow me she got all crazy. Called us faggots. She ran in front of my car as I was speeding off. I almost hit her. She called dear old dad and he picked me up."

"Now that I can believe." I chuckled.

"Now what about you? Tell me all your deep dark secrets, Jasper Whitlock."

I shifted awkwardly. What I could tell him were bits and pieces in my memory. Some things were screaming 'I'm here.' The others screaming 'You can't catch me, nan-nanny-boo-boo.' I ran my hands over my face. Where do I start? I cringed inwardly. From the beginning. What did I have to lose?

"You won't like me any more." I was hesitant. And why the fuck did I care if he did or didn't?

"Stop stalling." So he caught that did he?

"My dad's were assholes." He raised an eyebrow. "My mom wasn't exactly a nun. She tried to find mister right and found a whole lot, I mean a whole lot of, put it in you right now's. Including your father." I shivered at that disgusting thought. I'm so glad that poor little baby didn't get to know him. "Most guys were abusive."

"They hurt you didn't they?" I couldn't look at him so I stared at his hands that were balled in fists.

"Yea, I remember that pretty much. It sucks to not remember the good too, you know? I was always different. I was too good. Too perfect. Until they started hurting Rose."

"Hurting Rose?" I could imagine how his eyes widened as he spoke cautiously.

"Not like that. They would just knock her around, like they did mom. She was forced to cook, and clean, and go get them beers. She made sure that no matter what she stayed away from them when drunk just in case that tried to go down. Which almost happened but I stopped it every time. Not my sister." My eyes gleamed with tears. "Except I wasn't there to help her that night it finally did." His hand reached out and grasped mine and I finally could look at him.

He sat there, trying to keep himself together. For me, only for me. I knew he was going down memory lane too, because he found her that night. He found her with all those drunken boys pawing all over her while she was out of it. I should have been the one to save her. James and Laurent are still doing time for that shit. Royce, her star-athlete boyfriend at the time got away with it all. Well I think that happened that way. My brows scrunched up, this is where my memory became sketchy.

"I protected Rose, I got beat up. Simple as that. All the abuse though, all the anger and frustration and abandonment created a ticking time bomb. I started cutting. Rose started slutting around. We became angry and self-loathing. I realized I'd never hear you say you were gay and I was mad that you didn't know what you wanted, so I slept with Tim the night she was…" I let it fall off there.

"So, you lied to me?" He accused, releasing my hand from his and pointing at my arm. "You told me you got those from falling through a glass table."

"Well, some of them." I frowned. "We both lied. Tim was abusive too. He took me that night rather roughly. I enjoyed it, some what."

"Ugh, don't even Jasper." Disgust swam onto his face.

"Until he hit me." Then fury. "Enough of that… So after Bella and you I used Alice against you. We slept together, a lot. I liked it too, so I thought I was bi for a while but then realized that I only liked the fact that I was hurting you. It was all spiteful shit. I hurt her with it. I hurt you. I hurt myself. Sure she egged me on, but I know it was just because she wanted me to want her. After you outed me, I lost it. I think I had a break down. I went to see Tim. I felt I needed his abusive sex. I-" Edward stood up rather angrily and rushed out of the room. "Where the hell are you going?" I stumbled after him, running down his stairs. Hobbling, rather, my limp made it hard to run.

"Away from you." I grabbed his arm, halting him as he reached the front door.

I whirled him around and crashed my mouth into his. His lips stayed hard and his hands fisted at his sides, steeling himself against my onslaught. I meshed against him, kissing more forcefully, pleading with my lips to give in. A low moan, barely audible, escaped into my mouth. I had won, and Edward relaxed against the door as I webbed my fingers into his hair. Pulling his mouth harder onto mine as I plunged my tongue in endlessly.

I tugged on his hair, walking backwards from the door, until my legs hit something sturdy. Edward was now frantic, hands roaming. That is one thing that didn't change. We could fuss and fight but still be all over each other. I practically ripped his clothing off and pushed him on the couch. I was on my knees instantly, trying to shove his cock in my mouth. Edward's cock was thick and long, and oddly enough it fit him.

"Stop squirming." I moaned and my mouth encased his head.

"Jasper…no, ok? No." He took a swift intake of air before he pushed my head away. I sat back on my heels frustrated. What else could I do to get through to him? "We can't keep doing this. Meaningless sex."

"It means something to me…" Fucking asshole, I thought. I watched while he tucked himself away.

"Fuck, you know what I mean. I want a relationship. A good one. I want to date and show you around as mine. Out to our friends and all that stuff. I don't want to confine it to this house or one restaurant. I want the family to know. Everyone. I need…more too. I want it all. I know I'm fucked up. I need help. Counseling maybe? Fuck I don't know, I just need you to trust me. Please." He held his hand out and I slowly took it, and he pulled me up into a hug. It was awkward but I hugged him back tightly. Finally, a do-over.

* * *

I felt drained when I entered my house. I threw the keys on the table next to the door and hung up my jacket. My mother appeared in front of me and her eyes were stern. I was in trouble. I probably was the only grown man who was treated like a child. I rounded the corner with her and my breath caught. How the hell did I miss this?

"What the.." I trailed off before people came up to hug me. "Mom?"

"They all came in this morning." She beamed.

That was what the call was for. I hugged Aunt Agnes, and Uncle Jude. Cousin Rosemary and Thomas bounded up to me all smiles as they simultaneously hugged me tightly. I hadn't seen them in three years. Next came my old friends Peter, Charlotte, Mary and Randall. I was all smiles by the end of it.

"Wow," said Tia as she waved at me from the corner. "You've grown up. Not so scrawny now kid."

"You either." I blushed. She smiled shyly as usual. "Nice to see you again." Just then the look on Randall's face distracted me from my childhood friend. He looked between us. Obviously not liking something. If he thought I had any interest wouldn't he be surprised. Not my kind of tree.

"Let's eat everyone." My mother's voice interrupted us and we all began to file into the dining area.

It was a good lunch that my mom had prepared. I always loved tuna croissant sandwiches and peach and cottage cheese boats. We had blackberry terracotta for dessert and lemon iced tea to drink. After all it was still warm out and it fit the mood. I wanted the rest of my life to be just like this. Light and airy.

I looked around the table at my family and friends. I noticed how we seemed to all have grown up in the last three years since I had went back to visit them in Texas during Christmas. My Uncle and Aunt were showing some age. I smiled at their laugh lines and how close they looked as they still held hands. I wanted that someday with some one. I wanted to grow old and secure.

I glanced at Tia, her warm smile in return gracing the table. She was always sweet and soft spoken. The only difference in her was her height and body build. She still had a baby face and her hair was still the same. I wondered why she didn't bring her boyfriend along. She could have, we were friends as well. I then turned my attention to Charlotte and Mary, they were gossiping about all the cute boys in Forks. They were right, my boy being one of them.

Peter and Randall were in a heated conversation about baseball and what team would win this year. I rolled my eyes. I liked the sport just as much as the next but I would never make bets or argue about it. I chuckled when they threw down twenty bucks. Idiots. I briefly looked at Rose, she sat back in her chair texting rapidly. The doorbell rang and she popped up and flittered away.

My mom grinned at me and suggested we take our party to the family room. I was surprised when they brought out gift after gift. I opened them overzealously but I didn't have any choice on that. I was too excited as I snatched and ripped the wrapping paper away to discover what lay underneath. Afterwards, I thanked every one.

As the day turned into night every one slowly left. I was hoping they would stay a little longer and I was assured they'd be back tomorrow. Tia kissed my cheek as she waved goodbye and I smiled back and watched her drive away. Randall was the only one left.

"She likes you." He said flatly behind me.

I shrugged turning towards him. "She knows it won't happen Randy trust me."

"Really now. I recall before you left Texas a certain someone kissing another certain some one at my birthday party. "

I shrugged again. "I was curious."

"About what exactly?" His tone was a little harsh.

"If I liked girls but I don't." I wasn't going to deny my lifestyle choices for anyone any more.

"That's all I needed to hear."

My face contorted in confusion as he stepped forward and captured my mouth. The kiss was soft and I hesitated slightly but my body took over and I kissed him back. I couldn't deny the electricity that permeated between us. His tongue snaked out and grazed mine before retreating. I groaned lightly against better reasoning. At that he picked up the pace sucking my tongue into his mouth and increasing pressure. I leaned more into him and my mind went blank while kissing him back frantically. His hands wrapped around my waist bringing me closer and I didn't deny him. I let him mold my body against him. His hands then grasped my curls tightly and I felt myself harden. Before he could do more I recovered slightly backing away just enough. My hands shook and I covered my mouth.

"I shouldn't have done that." His face pinkened. He walked backwards awkwardly to snatch up his jacket.

"Yea, I think you should go." I walked to the door and held it open.

"I'm sorry Jasper." He sighed heavily as he walked out. "See you."

I watched him drive off as I touched my lips. "You've just complicated things."

**A/N: Don't be too mad at me ya'll. It's not going to be too bad. Jasper is just trying to go down a road of self discovery. It's not going to ruin the in for next chapter and review review REVIEW! Lol a little obsessive but hey, I'm greedy and I need love *gives you the biggest puupy dog eyes ever* Also I will start answering every review. And drum roll…internet Saturday. That means more UPDATES and FASTER. Thanks.**


	16. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry this has been a long ways coming. My house burned down and thankfully I survived but forgive me for taking a long time. Enough with the excuses but seriously I have a crappy life. Thanks for your patience.**

I called Edward as soon as I could. He didn't take the news lightly about someone else kissing me. I didn't tell him much of how I felt about it or how I kept thinking of Randall. Everything was going good and I didn't want to screw it up. The next day I stayed home. I wasn't sure why until I saw the object of my thoughts

"Hey man. Look I'm sorry about, well yea." I closed the door behind him.

"Kiss me again."

"Huh?" He turned startled by my request.

"I need you to kiss me again."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

His hand brushed against my cheek before pulling me in closer. My breath hitched and my heart beat rapidly. I only used to react this way to Edward but for some odd reason I was captivated by Randall. It was just like in the movies, he moved slowly as if trying to build up the anticipation. It was working and my once opened eyes, closed. I could feel his warm breath caress my lips before they touched them softly. His arms came around my waist and he pulled me in closer until I was plastered against him. I groaned. It felt good to be held and wanted.

The kiss deepened and I sunk into his embrace even more. His tongue pushed past the barrier of my lips, forcing my mouth open in gentle persuasion. It was sweet and sensual as our tongues slow danced together. My arms wove up into his hair, his really curly hair.

It wasn't everywhere and carefree. It was soft but not that soft. It wasn't Edward's. Realization crashed over me and I broke away from the kiss as if I had been burned. He reminded me of how Edward used to be. Strong yet gentle, loving but rough around the edges. It wasn't he who I actually wanted. My eyes brimmed with tears and before I realized it I was crying.

I was crying out all my sadness and anguish while Randall looked at me in shock then compassion. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back tightly. He swayed me until I quieted my out of control sobs. I remembered. I remembered EVERYTHING. How I met Edward and the first time we had sex. Our fights and our make ups. Our every up and down. My revenge, then his, then mine again. And here we were. Aching so much to love each other and yet we were foolishly throwing it all away. And for what?

He was too stubborn and so was I. He was afraid of being unloved because of his life, I was afraid of losing love. We pulled away from each other before we even had a chance. This time I had to make it right. I sniffled once and then composed myself. I backed away once more.

"Thank you." I mumbled, holding myself.

"For?" Randall looked less than amused.

"Making me realize what I want. Helping me remember my past. I…I need to go see my ex-boyfriend. I'm sorry Randy OK? I hope you can forgive me." And I rushed out without a backwards glance.

I drove to Edward's apartment in record time. I stopped the car into his parking slot before jumping out and banging on his door like a mad man. He answered with a 'what the hell' before I threw myself in his arms; He was shocked at first at my exuberance but quickly adjusted holding me tightly to him. I kissed his neck and he growled. I loved his growl. I loved him. I loved how he dressed, how he smelled, how he smiled, how his hair went every which way. I was in love and I couldn't shake it no matter what happened. It had to be true because all that had happened in this relationship and we still found each other again. It was astonishing.

"Let's go inside." He stated slowly looking behind me. I guess he was noting how everyone was just staring at us like they had never seen gay guys before. For fucks sake, this is 2011. There are gay guys everywhere. I nodded and he grabbed my hand and pulled me in.

"You aren't still ashamed of me are you, Edward? I mean, I can tolerate almost everything else but that."

"No." He quickly rushed out. "I was just sick of people looking at me. Especially when I wanted to do this." And he kissed me and fireworks lit up my mind. "Now, will you be my boyfriend?"

"Yes!"

* * *

Today was a clean slate. I was going to tell my family that Edward and I were seeing each. That I love him and we were moving in together. I held tightly to his hand and he squeezed it in reassurance. This had to go well. I pulled my key from my pocket and unlocked the door. The small clinking of the knob turning sounded as loud as a drum in my head. My heart pitter-pattering so hard I could barely breathe.

Pulling him along, I entered the family room. My mom sat with Rosalie watching some television. Before I could speak the demon with golden hair noticed us. She stood quickly and stormed closer, slapping Edward sharply on the face. I stood in front of him before she could assault him anymore. I winced. Edward's hold on my hand felt like he could break it with a little more pressure.

"That was uncalled for Rosalie." My mom chastised.

"Uncalled for? Do you not remember what he did to Jasper?!" She placed her hands on her hips enraged.

"Yes, I do, but I was hoping that we all could move on from it." My mom sighed. She looked very tired now that I could think of it.

"As usual Edward Cullen always gets what he wants. All the women and _men_ he can afford in his bed."

"Oh give it a rest." Edward's loud voice boomed from behind me. "I haven't been with anyone else since I left this shit-hole of a town. Just Jasper."

My face flamed red. My mother took in a shaky breath but then smiled at us. She accepted us at least. I know Rose never would. Once she was upset at someone she could stay mad for a long time. Maybe even forever.

"Does it matter? You've proven you are nothing but a whore." She quipped.

"I wouldn't throw stones there if I were you. One might bounce back and hit you in that pretty little vain face of yours. God knows that's not the only thing that has ever been on your face." I think I gasped so loudly at that moment. I can't believe Edward said that. This was getting out of hand fast.

"Ha! I think that is the _only_ thing we share in common. We both like dick!"

"Rosalie!" Mom and I both shouted together.

"Don't yell at me. He is the one who started it all by coming here." Her incredulous tone almost made me laugh. Always playing the saint. She leaned in closer to us both. "If you ever hurt my brother again I swear to you on everything and everyone that I hold dear I will gut you like a fish and fry you for dinner. Got it? And Jasper, when he begins to fuck you over don't come crying to me. I'll just laugh in your face." And with that she turned and stormed out.

I didn't realize I hadn't been breathing until Edward told me to. I was wondering why I felt faint. My sister had just disowned me. Sure she said something simple enough, but she had always told me no matter what I could talk with her about anything. What she said was code-speak for 'You are on your own' and it almost floored me. I needed her acceptance.

"She'll come around Jasper." Edward turned me around and held me to him. I shook my head into his shoulder. She wouldn't. That was when the blinding tears came.

I didn't notice being coaxed to my room until I lay on the bed curled around Edward's body. I cried so hard I was sure my face was red and blotchy. She had always been here for me. Her hate for him was too strong. I couldn't believe that she would tell me those things. She slept with Edward and I was still here waiting to help her with anything she needed.

I was sad but then I became so angry. "You ruin everything, why did I even bother with you?" The harsh whisper hung in the air and Edward's chest began to rise faster. He was angry I'm sure. He tried to cheer me up and here I was bashing the hell out of him for my sister's hate. Truth be told, she disliked him long before that night.

Edward and I needed counseling that was for sure. We needed to be more open. We needed more of a relationship and not a sexship. We needed to rely on each other if we were going to make it. His hand was in my hair massaging my scalp and I sighed. He wasn't my enemy and I was sorry for being mean to him.

I sat up abruptly to tell him I forgave him, finally truly forgave him, and I stared wide eyed as he lay with his eyes closed, tears streaming down his face. He was always a silent crier but there was always evidence in it. This time there was nothing but the rise and fall of his chest, I easily construed it as anger but I had hurt him. I felt immediate guilt and my hand reached his cheek to wipe away his tears. I almost cried myself. I never was able to hurt him without remorse. I once again stared into his emerald depths when his eyes opened suddenly; and I was taken aback by the emotions swirling around in them.

"Don't pity me Jasper. I made my bed and I accept my fate." He resigned.

"I don't…I love you. Isn't that obvious?"

"I'm such a fuck up Jasper. You're absolutely right about wondering why you bothered. I don't even know my damn self. I've done all the wrong things and deserve all the punishment from it. Even if you decide a year from now that you don't want me and you don't want to do this with me, then I will understand. Just remember that I love you and maybe that way I won't have a broken heart. God knows I deserve one."

My heart broke for him. And in that moment I realized there was something I needed to do to show him I loved him. I kissed his lips softly, and pushed my tongue forward to taste the lining of them. The urgency was slow and loving and I ran my hand down the side of his face and down to his chest. I began to unbutton his shirt, until it hung down at his sides and my hands were on skin. I wanted Edward more than I had wanted anything.

I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the ground. He watched me with love drunk eyes as I unzipped his pants and he lifted up so I could glide them off his butt and down his legs. His underwear followed soon after. He questioned me when I took mine off as well but made no move to ride him. My mouth answered with a more wanton kiss, plunging my tongue in his mouth in need. His breathing quickened when I pushed his legs apart and slid down between them. I let my warm breathe pant on his inner thigh a second before my head dipped lower, letting my tongue enter where I longed to be.

Edward squirmed then and I knew it was taking a lot for him not to cry out. I flicked his center with my tongue, probing it just slightly. The inside of him spasmed, constricting tightly to keep me from leaving its tight space. A low growl left his throat as instinctively his body began moving for more friction. I held on to his hips as I delved further. By the end of my sweet torture, he was straining into the air and moaning wildly.

"Shhh. You'll have to stay quiet. Do you have any lube?" I felt his thigh muscles stiffen when I mentioned this and I calmed him down by raining kisses across his thighs.

"In the closet, top shelf on the right."

I returned quickly but I noticed Edward's awkwardness. I saw him eyeing me as I flipped open the cap to the Maximus bottle and applied some to my fingers. His body relaxed and I figured that he was watching me do this as well. I briefly wondered if he was afraid of me penetrating him until my finger slipped inside. He winced but let out a moan that meant don't stop. A pearl of precum shined on his tip and I licked it away. I was going to lift up when his hand on the back of my head held me there. Chuckling, I gave him what he wanted.

My slick and hungry mouth engulfed his head and I bobbed a couple times. He shivered, and his legs slackened. He opened more fully to my finger buried deep inside him. Edward's back arched and he bit his lip as I put in one more, stretching him for what was to come. He knew it too, but the previous stiffness was gone from his body as he enjoyed the pleasurable sensations. He emitted a louder groan when I inserted two more fingers and picked up the pace.

"Oh shit!" And with that, he threw the pillow over his face and nearly screamed into it. I could hear his muffled cries of my name and I removed my fingers. He was probably getting close. He shivered at the loss of contact and I rubbed some of the gel onto my penis. Slipping between his legs I slid inside without warning."Unfff!" I heard and the pillow flew off his face.

Uncertainty showed in his eyes, but I kissed them away and had him writhing under me once more. I pulled out of him and pushed back in, fully sheathing myself. Slowly, sensually, drawing out any and every feeling I was giving to him for as long as I could. I had to make him feel my love for him. And I felt his. He gave me his trust. His pants and low moans filled the room. He was close, and now I didn't care who heard. His eyes became heavy lidded and I knew he was about to burst. My name came like a litany, flowing freely from his mouth.

"Jasper. My Jasper." His body quivered and I thrust harder.

I _was_ his and he was mine. The bed lightly slapped the wall and I couldn't will myself to care about the noises coming from us both as we came together. Edward's back arched as he shook rather violently and I couldn't help but smile as our eyes connected in our last highs. I leaned down and kissed him slowly, and his arms came around me as he held me closer to him. This is where I needed to be. Here, like this, with him for all eternity but there was something I had to do first. He whimpered at the feel of being empty when I pulled out of him, still having aftershocks. I had never made Edward look so thoroughly fucked before. I liked that look on him.

"I'll be right back." He nodded but seemed to be close to sleep. I chuckled at him before I ran in the bathroom for a towel to clean us up. I quickly wiped myself down before returning to him. I found Edward lightly snoring. Without waking him I managed to clean him, dress him in his boxers, and move him under the covers. He was out like a light. My ego did a happy dance for a minute when I realized I did this. He looked so peaceful and beautiful right now.

A light buzzing came from his pants pocket. He stirred slightly but didn't wake. It was probably Alice. Fishing out his phone I flipped it open to text her back but immediately realized the urgency of the message. I frowned slightly and sighed. I had to wake him.

"Edward, wake up. Tanya's in labor!"

**A/N: OK, I hope it wasn't too boring. LOL Read and leave me something. Thanks for waiting. Working on another chapter to Robbery and For The Love Of Edward.**


End file.
